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Friday, May 2, 2008 @ 8:01 PM
I am damn pissed, and I am feeling damn irated, and crap, I feel like crap. day was okay, till I came home. I think it is super ironic how my mom can give free tutions and help people who are weak in maths, science and english and teach those super horrid students chinese tution. and she has zero time for me, and she thinks that whatever I do I should get. my brother is in like PSLE year, and the stress I had in that year was tenfold of his, cause I had more commitments, and I was in one of the most competitive classes.my mom never ever praise my results. never ever. yet this year, she has been taking to personally supervising, and going on and on about how stress the poor son is. excuse me. look at his work, it is rubbish, pure and simple. it is like not even half my workload at that age, and I didnt get the poor daughter treatment. all she does, was to go through my test papers, not alot since it is like only thrice in a year, and scream at me for mistakes or when I dont know how to do, saying how easy it was, and how I couldnt do it cause of the X and the Y factor, blabla. well, I did pretty well for PSLE. now, she asks for my help to do maths questions, ironically, the ones that she once scolded me for not knowing how to do. no thanks to you, I know how to do them, and I can just blink and get the answer. and I say things like: I thought you say very easy? and she blows her top and right. I didnt need your help then. and I dont need your help now. and since I am damn dumb and all. dont ask for my help hell. I feel like crap and I feel bitchy and I feel like rambling and throwing her words back at her. who is to say anything? I am not worth her time, only her students and the darling son is. sec2s are incharge of invitation for sec4s farewell. and I dont want to say goodbye, not yet. time is slipping past me, too fast. went for lunch with the two, and when we went to the gift shop to look at cute stuff, it suddenly struck me that I can no longer be certain of a present, a wave, a smile when I pass by these two in the future. that's how fast time is slipping, and how I want it to stop, to let me savour the moment abit more. kiran's email made me smile for awhile, then I cried. I remember SAIDs debate, I remember so many things, before things changed. before things are the way they are now. I just want to break down and cry and scream and shout. I just want to hear your voice, but I know I should be strong. I dont want to be strong, I dont want to not be a junior. I want to rely on someone reliable, like estee or joy, I dont want to be responsible for anyone, I want to enjoy this devil may care attitude. I dont want things to change, I dont want. I want fiona to coach me for debate I dont want mal to leave for IP I want Kiran back to make me laugh I dont want to switch classes I dont want to grow up. I dont want to cry anymore, for stupid things that I cant change. I dont want to think. let me off please. let me fight my own demons. I know tears arent going to change anything, but they dont want to listen to me they just flow and flow and flow. |
protagonist Geraldine snow_ball1994@hotmail.com cedarian cedarELDDS;debator sec3ELfamilyofai! clique1H'07; 2H'08 Echo 2008 ; the ten of us, plus the four instructors <33 ♥ The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them. archives September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 ledastray
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