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Sunday, June 22, 2008 @ 8:33 PM
funny how little bits and pieces of my life reminds me of you. little little pieces like the music I listen to, people in uniform, bikes. and it is funny, no, ironic, how when I actually do see you, I am just filled with a kind of blind rage. I dont know what I am angry at. I just know that I dont want you there in my line of vision. that I want you to go away. far far away. and that's where you're at now right? far far far away from me. how do I make this dull thudding stop. maybe the thud reminds me still, that I am a human. church today, and touched on forgiveness. forgive and forget. I dont know how. I dont know why I cant. I just, cant. maybe I am narrow minded, maybe I am a selfish brat. maybe I just dont deserve what He did for me. maybe, I am a Gentile, and maybe that's where I am going to remain. it takes alot for me to really feel the anger for more than an hour, but the minute I get angry, I dont get over it easily. maybe it's pride. maybe, anger has become a defense mechanism. I know that friends hurt me once too many times. I trust someone, but they just, ... I can close my eyes, and if I were capable, I'd lash out at them, instead, of just hiding behind myself, my own personality. and you thought I was strong. I proved you wrong. I know there are a thousand and one things I can be happy about. about my friends, my churchies, my passion. but with you, school, farewell, and a thousand other things, I am just glad that I'm not crying. I, am just not able to pull myself up. |
protagonist Geraldine snow_ball1994@hotmail.com cedarian cedarELDDS;debator sec3ELfamilyofai! clique1H'07; 2H'08 Echo 2008 ; the ten of us, plus the four instructors <33 ♥ The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them. archives September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 ledastray
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