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Thursday, July 31, 2008 @ 8:45 PM
I swear, my social skills are decreasing. yes, this is going to be a post where you see me gripe and gripe about stupid things. I find it increasingly harder to be nice and tactful when conveying un-nice and unpleasant stuff. I find it a chore to find a way to mince my words for fear of offending people with my tactlessness, destroying weak souls who cant take straight talk or simply, flouting my duty as a senior. and I find it increasingly irritating to find a way to push down my temper at stupid stuff. I cannot stand people with no stand, no backbone, no sense of pride. just, yes to everything. I am sorry, even though I am supposedly an authoratian, I dont want to rule over my boyfriend or for that matter, anybody. right, I will be nice, and push down the ugly words on the tip of my tongue, which I have in plentiful supplies. one day, make me angry enough, and I promise you, you will be grazed by my tongue control aint coming easy.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008 @ 8:07 PM
well, the mad frenzy of commontests has died down with the passing of the most important muggerish subjects. and even if I do say so, I thought that the papers, were finee. (: had chinese oral yesterday, bet I screwed it bad. rawrs. I am going to get the result sheet tomorrow, we'll see. debate was fun, ethical situations. eee, and some cult leader thingum. I thought it was freaky, and me and michelle practically jumped at anything and everything. syahirah and mich did a better job freaking me out after already being very freaked by that very freaky movie. fighten everyone, haha. level bonding, <33s the cat incident made me laugh my head of. stupid mich, why you point at the floor. I thought it was cockroach. good way of frightening the cat though, everyone scream together. HAHA. oh, funny during english "what's cheem?" mrs Jai "chim chimmery chim chimery chim chim cheery " me and yannah started singing marypoppins! and the stupid tune was stuck in my head for the entire day oh. commontests. muggerish level. first time the level so quiet inbetween classes with no teacher. zomg. white board was quite crowded and the classroom didnt seem to empty for recess. HAHA. the funniest things happened during CT, shant say. oh, I bet the sci and the hist teacher thinks I am mad now. right, I need to do the darn leadership journal. weird, writing about leadership, hur hur.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008 @ 9:34 PM
I am so screwed up. much to say, how we fool around in class, how the stress is all picking us off one by one, how debate is the love of my life, how things are pushing me over the edge when I combine them together right now, I just want to die today, when I was jaywalking, I wanted to stop them and not walk. cause I thought I wouldnt have to face the pain anymore. I slash secretly, just to feel the pain. just to feel, alive.
Sunday, July 27, 2008 @ 11:18 PM
 on the right is the mask that everyone wears, day in day out on the left is the mask everyone has, alone everyone's feeling the same thing nowadays. unsure, unsecure of choices made regretful, reconsidering afraid, fearful happily being unhappy. I wonder if there are anybody right now, who is happy, secure with the decisions that she has made. cause I dont see any around me. and it makes me shake my head, albeit ironically. to esther: go ahead with what you have chosen. who knows what the road looks like until you have travelled it? grab the chance that fate has offered you with both hands. dont hesitate. go.
@ 7:42 PM
" I've got a soul, but I am not a soldier " - isabel mhms. and I wonder about the fruitility of things now. even as I mug like there's no tomorrow. well, actually I am not mugging now, I am just using the comp and leaving the window that has my science notes on alone. history - notes done, memorising done. science - both undone. yea man, just, murder me now or something. double history tomorrow, normally I will just snore the period off, but tomorrow's important. I expect there will be a frenzy of questions tomorrow for the history teacher. let's hope she goes through all the essay formats again, else I will be firing some questions too. (: gah. sunday. such a conflicting thing, afternoon worship is. the let down, perhaps the easier breathing after seeing that you and her are not at lunch, infer that perhaps you are not in church. the disappointment perhaps, of not seeing you again. then it was worship. talking to caris about something totally not important, then realising that you were there. the momentary sense of relief that she isnt. then I see her. that pang of pain. and the heart, frozen perhaps for a week or so, starts to throb again. the cold or the pain. I cant choose which is worse. and my heart doesnt forget, though my mind has. and I find you in comparison increasingly weak and annoying. can you try to resemble a guy, and try to have your own stand? cause I know I want a challenge, a bad boy. and I know, bad boys break hearts. 主，因争战在于你。
Saturday, July 26, 2008 @ 12:51 PM
deciding to take a break from restless studying and mugging and cramming. I journeyed from one window to another. deciding that I needed to have a dose of commonsense, I went to cgss commontown's forum. yes, the one mr leng's been pushing. and I realised, how so many people, put their brains in the dump for it to rot away. complain about every single thing. and people actually agree. mindlessly. better still, talking about unconfirmed rumors that can easily be clarrified. tackling strawmans. mind you, not the sec1s. the sec4s. people who are supposed to be well spoken, popular. rawr. I want to knock sense into people. high IQ, perhaps. no EQ, definitely.
Thursday, July 24, 2008 @ 11:40 PM
sick, down with the flu bug that's been going around. on the bad side, I am sneezing every 10seconds or so, I feel like digging out my throat, and my head is constantly throbbing with a temp of 38degrees. on the good side, I have had to go see the doc. and when I see doc, it means I get MC. and a mc is more than welcome now. yesh, so does the good outweigh the bad? definitely. gonna mug at the airport again tomorrow, sadly, alone. but I dont really mind, cause I like peace and quiet, which although is not always present, is nice to be in once in a while. today was bad. maths was terrible. I felt really bad after the paper. forfeited marks I could have gotten if I just had a time extension of fivemins, and I really really put in my all for this paper, all for that A. and that's not going to happen, is it? screwed up geog, now maths. there goes my 40% marks, huh? nevermind, I will just have to work harder for Endofyears. meanwhile, dont depress okay humans? over geog, english oral or maths. and dont panic too much, over chineseoral, science, history and lit. cause we are cedarians, mighty ones, and a set back isnt going to knock us down. I finally made my choice today. you were right, shoes dont gauge who I am. badges dont give a measure of a person. leaders ; with titles or not. actions, way of speaking, the way you carry yourself. those are important. not the badge, not the shoes. truly, this time, I finally broke through the barrier of my pride. thankyou Lord, for teaching me this truly wonderful lesson.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008 @ 9:57 PM
dum dee dum dee dum. I screwed up oral today. can you believe it? sectwo endyear english oral, the one place I could score. and it was weird, how it felt unreal on stage awaiting our turn that the end of the year was coming. and that we will all be going our seperate ways. stayed back to mug maths after that, private session with clique and Mr Ang. and hahaha, we reserved the seat for deepa beside him. and bel was seriously so dumb! what people draw the graphs for you ask you identify intersection. wrong planet or level isit! gah. the sore throat is getting worst, the headache's killing me. tomorrow's maths. and I have not started mugging science. history's pretty much done though. who wants to join me firing question at Leng before test?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 @ 7:43 PM
well, I certainly can release half a sigh of relief. since geog's over, and so is all the hardcore facts mugging. never did deal well with memory work. 21/7 - RHD half day, due to the success and the four championships brought back by our sports team. everybody, well almost, wore ethnic costumes. I question the traditional part though, since me and enrica were smirking at black and white cheongsams. all together, mixture of colors, fun, and not forgetting, some degee of photo taking! oh, people that owes photos, please go upload!  most of the family plus the science teacher. ex- TP!
went to the airport to mug after school! oh, POP-eye! hahaha, I cant believe I made such a joke out of myself, ahh!
ENERGIZER DRINKS. like us, different as black and white.
teabreak, we were just taking a fiveminutes break inbetween chapters! oh, and I am officially in love with popeye's mashpatato! 22/7 haha, stressed up! wanted my A1 so badly. dont ever remember being so well prepared for one subject yet feeling so nervous. "girls, any more questions to ask me before you sit for your test after recess?" "yes miss wan, what are the questions later?" - geog, before geog test "according to contextual knowledge, I have no contextual knowledge" -smoking examiners during history debate made me quite annoyed. the video, really. and now you know, how damn unfair the world is. and those cooperate companies..could you blame them though? Irony, GM. now I look at food and I think Genetic Modification? oh, and funny moustaches and worm like gross bacterias, haha. oh, noticed the skies been pretty recently? oh, morning announcements made me smile. that time of the year again. and when I looked at bel, she mumbled what I was thinking, "the time when people change" bet she was remembering when the clique splitted up. haha, no more this time eh bel? interesting, I am going to see which sec1s get in, and see if my predictions are correct. sec2s, I think I know who will go and try again. goodluck! and to the junior: hey, I understand what you are thinking, but if, if you think that you can do it, and that your motive is correct, and if, if, if that this is what you want, go ahead. well, experience doesnt kill. just, well, go with an open mind and the correct attitude, I am sure you will learn something, no matter if you do or do not get in. (:
Sunday, July 20, 2008 @ 8:01 PM
multiple posting when I am supposed to be studyinggg geog. shoot me, someone. sherilyn's gonna say bangbang. ahh. anyways, I find reading blogs of debaters rather interesting and amusing. is it me, or is it that most debaters take a more, sit by, watch and comment view to this very controversial world, hmm? well, at least it is a change from reading ahlianish, bimboish posts from people who cant spell and cant phrase properly. shant link, though they really are good, cause something happened the other time someone did, and I didnt tag on most, if not all that I read. haha, silent reader. (: how random is this. I am just procrastinating to the time I start and FINISH by today chapter17. then I am ready to go fight a war on tuesday. ;D
@ 7:07 PM
Look behind her eyes Beneath that mask See the lies Of which you should not ask Come, to the masquerade A guady ball, a grand parade A party, of childrens' cheers A twisted gather, of morbid fears A calvacade, of cheerful cries A dark dark party, full of lies Draw the curtains. Slam the doors. Put on the music. We'll take the floor. As humans. As debaters. As what we really are.
@ 6:52 PM
was rather amused by the discussion on homosexuality during BS today. summing it up, logically, I disagree, while I actually subconsicously agree with what constance was saying. didnt choose to press on with my point though, since, well, to whose good would it benefit? next week's starting combined BS, and well, the words still evoke memories of last year. then again. zhuri's coming, and I can only remember too well last year's zhuri. it's sorta good that i made the decision to restart the blog, cause now I cant go read archives and think thoughts. it's good, cause I will then be able to study wholeheartedly for the volley of tests barreling our way. on a side note, tomorrow's celebration for RHD. those on morning duty to chase people out of classes, call the damn courtyard to order, so on and so forth, good luck. cause I can just so imagine the chaos. well, we shall see if I am in the mood to be nice and help chase people out, or just decide to be mean and watch interesting shows. well. I'll be nice. cause I know what it feels like to be the one people arent nice to. right, dinner and geog. and it feels hollow inside, as another sunday pass without you. I dont know which to pick. the throbbing pain, or the hollow emptiness.
Saturday, July 19, 2008 @ 11:39 PM
It really is no wonder that I am as fat as I am. How can I not be, with my humongous appetite and the fact that I am constantly being exposed to good food? gahh. I am feeling terribly bored out by geog. I swear that the globalisation notes are nonsense. really.
@ 11:00 AM
Ironic, just ironic. what faint sense of romance, whatsoever. another one falling into the doom, and I cant do anything as a friend. "sometimes it is better to take care of yourself" - senior. well senior. I would have disagreed with you one year, one month, three weeks ago. dont worry, I know how to take care of myself. and well, I will.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008 @ 9:18 PM
everything was happening today. track and field finals, Vball finals and well, the most important thing to me, AJC debate - Mayers. two years ago the seniors participated. mhms. well, not very smooth, lots of space for improvement, but the baseline for any debate, is not the place, it's the fight. thankyou estee, drama-girls and the sec1s for going ya? it's really far away for many of you, and for the drama side, I think most of you guys didnt really experienced debate before? sec1s, did you guys learnt something, enjoyed? or still puzzling it out? and estee, thankyou for everything. you were a replacement of fiona, giving minidebriefs, checking cases, motivational talks, cause well, you probably have a thousand things to do, and you werent really in tiptop form? generally, thank you everyone for the time that had to be taken out just to attend. it felt good, when michelle said, I see cedarians everywhere. yes, I cant describe, but it really felt so good to have support. to the team, things turned out fine ya? last minute cases, " Save and GO!", last minute printing of cases, but NO printer, hysterical laughter, suicidal thoughts, being locked in the library editing cases, crazy panicking, fevers, clammy hands, pale faces, on the bus pois. well, we did well. now, rest well while we await the results. and no matter if we broke through ornot, you guys are the very best. well, for all the good points that Mayers had, it had its bad side too. I neglected my homework, ouch. which I fully plan to start going. and full steam ahead folks, the CTs are on their way. oh, 'grats to volleyball ya? I dont know about track yet, hmms.
Monday, July 14, 2008 @ 10:30 PM
received the damn chinese test paper. and I and Madam Er seemed sorta disappointed that I was still laughing after I received the paper and not breaking down and sobbing or something. I swear she has something against me, though everyone else says she has something for me. well, if that's the case, I am sure she is great at hiding it. recess was maddness, taking a walk down memory lane. all those times we got punished as a clique and enjoyed it, talking bad about monkey and weird habits, and the bell ring - go toilet opposite for nothing - sit outside the classroom routine. rawrs, I miss that sitting area. helped prep for mayer's. and it was sorta fun. haha, poor seniors, dont stress ya! you guys will do FINEEEE. and I am super duper super duper sorry that I couldnt join you guys for mugging session okay? I really am. next time, next time. (: ahhh, I am not done with my homework, how annoying. and I feel so half deadddd
Sunday, July 13, 2008 @ 8:39 PM
I find it very sad that the cedar juniors and the coral juniors both dont love school the way we did. blog surfing. hmms. stress, strain. sure, they're there, they are ever present, everywhere. but do the stress drown out every single thing around you? your friends, your occasionally annoying and occassionally cute but you know love you unconditionally teachers? boring sleepy lessons? is there no, pride at all when you wear your school uniform, knowing that you belong to one of the top schools that is famous for breeding leaders? is there no love for your own school, your own cca, your own seniors, your own pupil leaders? I remember we used to love school. really, we did. even if the sentiment's faded off alittle and you hear, I dont feel like going to school, deep down, all of us still love our school, not? disappointing. the way ccas = Os marks. the way juniors childishly criticise things they dont understand fully. the way they air grievances as if they really were present. the cant be bothered attitude ever present. disappointing.
@ 7:45 PM
on the way home from church today, I saw a rainbow. maybe that's what I am waitiing for, the days when the hurt really stops and I smile geuninely again. maybe that's I am working towards, the rewards of all my mugging now. ...I really hope these maybes come through. cause it is all so meaningless now.
Friday, July 11, 2008 @ 8:03 PM
mhm. leader's invest today. shant comment online. incase I get shot by tons of random people. what can you say? I am an biased source. however, as Miss Cheang puts it, it isnt always all nonsense. from another point of view though, it was well done, grand, and you really could tell the hard work put into it by the pupil leaders. we definitely gave the guests something to gasp over. from choice of music to the way the whole thing was run, smooth, compatible, and wonderfully cedar. the cheers at the end, not co-ordinated though. maybe.. there, I am done with what I have been asked to do.
Thursday, July 10, 2008 @ 7:20 PM
Lack of motivation, drive. Lack of time. Lack of concentration, determination. Lack of everything. and nothing in abundance. Lethargy perhaps. Subconsciously, I am tired already. At that level at sec2, where would I end up as a sec4? I fear streaming. I fear myself. and it doesnt help at all that the teachers are heaping stress load after stress load on us. not at all. it's just screwed up. a stone on our backs, faces muted with stress and tired. laughter constrained. jokes sick. where's my supposed honeymoon year? chinese teacher stressed us out. test topics for all the tests are out. heavy on the mugging load now. feels like 24 hours are not enough. and the most time wasted's in school. what a joke. me and my cateater came out with this during science. 5 ways to kill yourself, scientifically. as advertised, no gory details, no blood. die cleanly and helping people around you save trouble . 1. Inject conc. sugar solution into your blood - use the osmosis process to understand 2. Inject water into your blood - use the osmosis process as well 3. Drink Hydrochloric acid of pH value 1.0 - use the pH chart to understand value 4. Drink Methyl Orange (universal indicator) - orange in color, for people who like orange syrups. 5. Drop mercury thermometer and do not evacuate the room - gas in the air would kill you. yesh. that's what you should do, instead of what, jumping buildings (terrify kids), slashing (people have to clean up the blood.) then again. me and bel and enrica are going to emigrate to Cameron Highlands and be plantations owner. Jemima is going to emigrate to finland, away from any chinese. this, is what happens, after a stressful pep talk by the chinese teacher, and the science teacher nagging about spars.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008 @ 10:39 PM
multiple posting. since I am so bored with geog that I am just going to cry. seriously. it is ohmygosh commonsense thing, but not that simple that you could ace it without getting things into the grey squishy matter. and good news, I havent really started on science, since well, there is no list of topics. how, typical and mildly irritating. timed assignments, the second half of the chinese one, and an essay for english. haha, english was easy all right. any one of the five topics have plenty of space to develop. I picked 3 though. surprised I didnt pick 5? chinese was another story totally. geez, the way the teacher puts it, we're all gonna be depressed when we get back both papers. Is it a surprise that I dont look forward to anything? on a side note, I realised being a junior is easier than being a senior. a good one, at any rate. but I'll try. I mustnt have been a very good junior myself, so yesh, zip and tolerate, and try to nurture them as my seniors did for me. this, I promised, and I will fufil it. at least, to the best of my abilities.
@ 7:48 PM
and it's barely half the week gone by, and already I want the weekends. not like the weekends would be any better. well, there's mayers to look forward to, at the very least. gahh, boring geog.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008 @ 9:34 PM
I dont know. somehow it stings when I see you guys walking around. it just stings that well, I am not as good. worst still, maybe I am significantly worst or something? I tried rationalising the teachers' reasons for doing so. I try to draw examples from previous batches to convince myself that, yes, they did the right thing, they made the right choice. but do you know, that it still stings, particularly at times like this? and I am just going to sit through this year's investiture, both with the same role, in the same way, and compare my own different feelings and thoughts. two different invest, two different experiences, two kinds of thoughts and feelings. and at the end of the day, the bitter sense of irony. I'll never live up to them. no matter how close you think I am to them, I am nothing next to them. and it just, stings. not jealous, nothing. just, bitter irony and regret. and no. I am not going to try again. thoughts and suff aside, been photo editing inbetween mugging (: well, one's gotta have a life somehow. so shut up if you are going to say I have been slacking again. leenalee, this is directed at you (:
a moment like this, debate today was a confusing session. omgosh third speaker, how to organise such a messy debate. I just went, I couldnt find a point of contention and shot everyone. haha, anyway, we learnt alot today. (: my life's close to perfect. great friends, schooling life, family and about everything else. why do I hanker after so out of reach? geraldine, snap out of it.
Sunday, July 6, 2008 @ 8:40 PM
life's like that. when you expect it to give you a kiss, it punches you so hard, you get winded. ohwells. I am rather tempted to be nice and good and angelic in view of this week's biblestudy lesson. however, I will save it for the moment. the sudden change will probably bring about a few heartattacks, cause well, geraldine is just not famed for being nice. and selfishly, that's how I like it. sleepover yesterday was good. when we had practically the whole afternoon to ourselves. dreams, tears and all. I'll be here for you no matter how life kicks you around ya? and mean as it is of us. seriously. her blog. seriously. HAHA. girl's problem, honestly. church, mhms. enjoyed sermon, cause it sorta appealed to the debater in me. (: haha. seriously. we were looking at different arguments and trying to push them over the edge and make them fall. sorta weird though, that no holes were poked infront of us in your argument. abit on the irrealistic side I guess. and I ought to know better than think that there's a complete, whole argument with no loopholes whatsoever. speaking of debate. I need to work harder. can feel the slackiness kicking in, and I dont want debate to become a once a week thing. I dont want that. I want debate as part of my life, as cedar is. and that's not going to come without any effort on my part. so, well, the first step I can think of and do will be to squeeze time out from my not too tight timetable at the moment and do research that I noted down on trackings. it would help for impromptus, not like I will still be eligible for Y14 next year. would come in handy somehow I guess. and well, the big picture is, I want the passion back. and I will get it back. no matter what. and you didnt come today, and it felt weird. and I am stupid, and I am being stupid while knowing that I am stupid. makes sense?
Saturday, July 5, 2008 @ 9:33 PM
I am absolutely disappointed with the movie "P.S, I love you" utterly and terribly disappointed. what's with the great ratings and reviews when all that is good is that it is just mildy touching and mildly funny. and I thought it was supposed to be a romantic comedy. how comedic. what's with all the kissing scenes and inapporiate sexual inuedos when it is just a PG movie? now I know why there are a thousand one one thousand debates over movie censorship. anyway, I am glad we didnt buy that movie, we just rented it. geez. gosh, I am bored. and, rawr, I am looking at a bunch of funny people doing funny things that are making me very amused. I have nothing to say actually, I am just blogging for the sake of it. and seriously, dont people owe me photos? esther esther hint hint!
Friday, July 4, 2008 @ 6:52 PM
I seriously think that uniforms serves their purpose. so I am going to never criticise uniforms ever again. there was a reason why uniforms were made, and gosh, the reasons were damn good. now I know. not that I wouldnt enjoy the once in a while let's break school rules, go crazy, dress ourselves, swap accessories, try makeup and messing up your face, see who's ladylike, see whoose fashion sense totally cannot make it, laugh at seniors cause you are just unused to them not in "proper" clothes who actually look good. welcome to Express Yourself Day 2008. I think the name's unsuited though, it should be Be Wild But Keep It Within Acceptable Range Day. (: the teachers rocked. but I didnt take any with the teachers. sheesh, Mdm Er spoiler luhs! gahh! Leng damn funny. HAHAH, we were alternating between screaming and going goo goo eyed when he danced on stage. the male teachers looked super super student lah! then the teachers who wore cedar uni! this we have to credit you for bravery! as expected, no one had any mood for lessons. why am I not surprised?  Darthvader _ 3.14- Hanan! Best shot of the day! my partner! THIS was taken without my knowledge. bel looks damn cool! Xiao Mei and Da Jie - where's the wretched second sis? Mommy, Daughter and Little brother in law! the rodent partner, much loved <333 alittle of messy hair, but my eldest daughter! us with Leng. we look, weird!
Thursday, July 3, 2008 @ 7:57 PM
My head hurts, the ending of Innocent in death made my heart ache, and I am just not feeling good. sheesh, you really didnt have to tell me. putting me in a spot, irritating. gahh, I am missing my twice a week debate sessions. why only once now? I feel so out of touch with everything, ohman. "what HCI?" "Hwa chong insitution!" "Hydrocholric acid!"
Wednesday, July 2, 2008 @ 9:54 PM
There wasnt "us" to begin with. why had I thought otherwise? Pass judgement on me, exile me from the saneness of this world. because for once, that's my only desire. to be insane, to be, me. no more, no more, this reasoning is killing me, it is tearing me apart. I asked for it. which fool wears her heart on her sleeve. I am a cedarian, and I will live up to be one. the coach asked, are we cedarians. we are. and by golly, even if it kills me, I will be one. responsible and reliable. careful and considerate. that's what I will be, no more feelings, no more wants. duties to be fufiled. nothing else. the best. nothing but the best. that, I know, understand, and will do. I looked into the mirror after school today. and I saw a juvenile delinquent. socks just acceptable, scraping the ankle. skirt skimming the knees. fringe should be pinned up. shirt half untucked. tie hiding the undone button. how did I ended up here? from something to nothing. from leader to loser. to think I used to be critical on people with unacceptable uniform. and I ask myself again, has something died in me?
@ 5:37 PM
I am supposed to be mugging. what a pain in the head. I am listening to modern music, something I wouldnt go near with a 10feet pole if not for music studies. modern 21st century angsty teen music. and it is giving me a headache. I regret not paying more attention during geog now. really, you can see it. all my textbooks for lessons I listen to has notes all over the margins, highlighted stuff. my geog book is clean to the extent of being new. okay, off with the bad stuff. there was leadership training today again. and I seem to notice that mhms.. I am just going to say that bird of the same feathers flock together. I seriously didnt learn much today. seriously. and I am going to rein in, look at the cup of tea for inspiration and continue mugging the worst subject at the moment, and the first in the next battery of commontests, geog. there will be be yourself day this friday though. seriously, the real me is loose baggy shirts, fbts and not too polite remarks without a care for the world. so, it wont be be-me day. it would just be another school day. reckon the school would look pretty though. and someone remind me to bring camera. I demand photowhoring take place. and let's see if it is possible to plan any outing for youthday monday holiday
Tuesday, July 1, 2008 @ 9:48 PM
Tribute to debate and my dear level mates this is a post dedicated to debate. so dont whack me if I bore the socks off you. debaters are supposed to be able to digest big chunks of words that dont usually make sense by normal human standards. (: was reading archives, not mine of course, but in it I re-experienced the high of every debate competition that I went for. I walked down memory lane into the first debate that I watch, as a blur sec1, the JG's against HCI that my dear dear seniors went for. out of the team that went for that particular debate, only one is still in cedar. and she'd be leaving soon too. through those words, I walked into ACSB again, dazzled by the grandeur of the school, anxious for my seniors. finding myself quite helpless to do anything to help them relieve the pressure of the debate. the wild joy when we won. it was not just their victory, it was ours. we watched them prep till their noses smoked, we felt their care for us as they showed concern for our fatigue, nothing compared to theirs. we heard their speeches about a dozen times, walked them through it another thousand. it was cedar's victory, and they won it back. through these memories, I went through SAIDs again. I blasted people for the first time. and felt, the full power of debate, the full power that we as debaters hold. even when we lose, the power makes me dizzy. seriously. the blood pumping, cold hands, anxious pounding hearts. but we'd always do well, we'd always win. deep inside, we are the victors of every debate that we are going to go for. we'd be victors as long as we put our all in. our tears, sweat, blood, bond, love. then I went for JG's, this year. an honour in a sense, perhaps, to some. but it was much much more than just that. the seniors didnt treat me like the junior that I was. They helped me, encouraged me, nurtured me. the wild anxiety, the craziness of incoherence into deep late night msn convos that slowly became a tumble of words. our area outside the staff room, ice-cream pratas, cravings for weird things like currypuffs and pancakes. *cough cough* and the grin when *cough* the craving's satisfied. I truly admire their confidence, their style, and their knowledge and I will seriously miss seeing them speak, especially Babylove, leaving so soon. weird conversations on the way home, the way she never dismisses my incoherent arguments, throwing out thoughts and feelings of things that happen in school. arguing them through. The way she doesnt trample on my often childish and silly thinkings. prodding me in the right direction when I am doing or thinking wrongly. teaching me in her very special and unique way. nagging, of course, at times, haha. "are you okay?" "do I look like I am not?" being concern for my mental state of health when yours is possible under worst conditions. encouraging. understanding and accepting me for who I am, a not so courteous, silly, often stupid and weird junior. EL prez, thank you for every single thing. I will miss you. seriously. work hard and I wish you all the best in everything! dont overstress for Os okay! Joy. now headpre! things would be changing ehs, no more hitting you on the head and saying hi from a thousand miles away? anyway, I will reserve your thankyou speech for when you graduate. the way things are going, I still have one more year to torture you. (: haha, and am I looking forward to it. My level mates. gosh, debate or drama, I dont care. there wasnt segregation to begin with right? both sides did all we could to bridge the gap, and I am proud to say we did it. I love you people. and seriously, we are going to have a whale of a time, lots of planning work to be done ahead, I forsee disagreements and love at the same time.. and we'll make it. remember our private deal okay? the best, nothing else. best of everything. we'll do it. cause we are the batch of 07! the best decision I made in my entire secondary life would be to join el. and I may complain like crap about things sometimes, but that's where my heart would be, forever.
@ 7:58 PM
Today was one big huge screwed up day. sheesh. the mask slipped in the morning, but I plastered it back after rocketing a spoilt pen into the bin with a force that told the folks I was not in a good mood, infact, a damn bad mood. then el. gahh gahh gahh. I cant see michelle replacing estee. seriously. however, I shall not comment. cause I am in no position to do so. and I realised something today. something that puts your credibility as a person into serious question. hmm. el is going to be stricter from now on. it doesnt affect debate much though. but as much as I dislike the idea of turning el into any uniform group, I gotta admit that harsh rules are effective. we'll see. maybe in time to come, we can be done away with the rules and we'll still have the discipline within us. mhms, new exco. hmm. and nan and esther, relax. I wont allow the seniors to bully me into submission, so dont act like I will get bullied! do I look like the seniors can bully me! they arent, and I know when and how to react. dont worry bout me ya? it is nice to know that you guys are so worried and concerned, but I am really fine. dont worry okay! the seniors wont ever bully me, cause I am not bulliable material. I just give in cause it is not fair to unload the whole thing on the sec3s, agree? (: love ya! debate. ohmygosh, I seriously screwed up as first opp. so many things to tackle, and I just let them go pass me. sue me. not in top condition, none of us sec2s are performing up to our usual standards. and cheer up my dear sya! you did fine! really, one screwed poi reply does not accertain your speaker standard! and good job aqila, you did great for a first time social issue, (: mich ah mich, HAHA. mal ah mal, HAHAHA more. seriously, the two makes me roll just to see their expression. different teams also so funny one. and chud, we love you ya? dont berate yourself! and I sorta agree with leena. school kinda is not top on the list at the moment, rawr |
protagonist Geraldine snow_ball1994@hotmail.com cedarian cedarELDDS;debator sec3ELfamilyofai! clique1H'07; 2H'08 Echo 2008 ; the ten of us, plus the four instructors <33 ♥ The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them. archives September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 ledastray
Cedarians Arty Aqilah Archana Aliah Azri Cassandra Crystal Chandidni Deepa Estee Esther Enrica Grace Huda Hanan Hafizah Isabel Joy Jolene Jueying Joanne Jemima Jin Rong Leena Michelle Maisarah Melody Mardianna Nadia Saranya Suka Sherilyn Shariyanty Shandeep Shumin Siti Simphoni Syahirah Sharizah Tianqi Vicky Vanessa Vithiya Yiying Xinhui Yingzheng Zhihui Zheru Zeeee Churchies Addison Bingcong Caris Conz Chaowang Dorcas Hanwei Hanya Hongxun Jongchi Jeannie Jianwen Jie Ting Lydia Minhui Qinyi Qinqin Xinfei<3 Xinlei Yixun Coralites Aria Althea Benjamin Denise Darius Hazel Huaywen Hui Shan Joanne Jing Han Kellie Li Ying Nicholas Rachel Sheena Shermaine Tiara Wei Ling Yu Shan Bearbear LCCBS ELDDS EL Sec2s Familyofai! cedardebate ECHO! credits you can remove this if you don't have a conscience. i assure you i will not hunt you down. skin by: Jane |
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