♥ for all that we've done,

Sunday, August 31, 2008 @ 10:11 PM

over 120 handphone contacts
over 180 msn contacts

yet, when I need someone to talk to, there isnt one. not one.

@ 9:42 PM

I feel utterly miserable now. been feeling that way since the afternoon.

I absolutely hate hate hate shopping centers and crowds. vivo city on a sunday means crowds, lots and lots of them.
I hate shopping, on my own. wait, not even to that extent. I hate moving around shopping centers on my own.
I absolutely disliked being kept things from, straight in my face. what irks me even more is that people lie to me. it irks me to no extent.

I ran off with a reason. for me, fully formed anger isnt hot, it is cold. so next time you know. when I am ranting and raving, or jumping or I dont know what, I am not really that angry. it is when I become cold, then you know it is time to run.

my leg hurts, I am doing plans for tuesdays programmes, I havent started on my holiday homework, I am procrastinating on my two chapters of science I should be doing right now.

gahh.

Saturday, August 30, 2008 @ 6:12 PM

It does matter that you arent here when I need someone to talk to, to clear my mind off the hanging fog.

on a seperate note, I see something in your eyes, something that is not right, but I just cant place a finger on it. you worry me, you really really do. how do I brooch something to you, something that I know is tearing you apart inside? your smile's too bright, your eyes too empty. what's wrong with you my dear friend?

went down to stgeorge's in the morning, and I ended up being roped to teach maths english and science despite only going down to speak to madam chan about tuesday's trip. right. right, not that I mind, they really are adorable. and some of the younger ones know me by name now, and the older ones sorta know who I am. sometimes when I look at them, I so want to curse them. their eyes are void of fear, so filled with rebellion. right. geraldine, stop it.

I am so tired and so so burnt out now. I have no idea why. I am in absolutely no mood to do anything. gosh I want debate. I am sure I can do a fantastic third speech in the kinda mood I am in now. I just want to blast things apart. and I sure am happy that people take things forgranted and just well, forget that everything that has been done needs effort and to just shut the hell up if he doesnt know how to do it better.

okay, chill. right. chill.

Friday, August 29, 2008 @ 11:20 PM

sometimes it doesnt matter where we go to
sometimes it doesnt matter that we are all on different standards
it doesnt matter that we are in different schools
in different cliques

that we no longer see each other on a day to day basis,
that we no longer sneak in our hidey hole and eat and talk
that we crowd the prefectroom up with our nonsense before sup classes

spring cleaning, where we ended up throwing pillows at Tze Hern for fun
bashing benjak up
jumping on the new water bed, courtesy to the graduated batch

chinese new year deco, buying of bags, sourcing for all the materials.
teacher's day, running around, last minute breifings.
all those activities, how I miss planning them and seeing them unfold smoothly, and the huge huge sigh of relief at the end of it all.
chaos, sleepiness, wo yao shui jiaos. (:

hey man, hey guys, I love you all so much, it aches to see you guys after ohso long.

to us, the leaders of '06, hugs. (:

@ 7:58 PM

teacher's day celebrations.

outdoor games, indoor concert.
those poor prefects and PSLs, I think they had the worst of it all. monitresses probably had a few dozen more white hairs after this event. these behind the scene people, people that sometimes we just casually forget when a programme's a sucess. we forget their sweat, their blood, their rushed late nights, and god knows what. hey prefects and psls, if you are reading this, good job today.

outdoor games were amusing, only me and enrica didnt play. xinhui is a damn useless game keeper, she stares at the ball when it rolls past her like it is some ant that she shouldnt be bothered about. wandered around like lost, bored souls until 9plus.

indoor really pissed me off. I know that the hall's a tight fit because of all those chairs and the red carpet, but hey, deal with it, this is our holding site. and I know the prefects had orders to leave a slight space between the chairs and the student body, simply cause the teachers HAD to sit there later. yes yes, I get it, I am not stupid. however, we were really really packed to the max. really, any more and we should just sit on each other's legs. and we were going to have to keep that position for 2plus hours, so, get the point. some prefects really just forget how it is to be sitting with the rest of the schooll instead of lounging around at the back of the hall, outside the hall. really, sheesh!

the concert was damn amusing, and I swear my teachers are damn funny, (; well, good job all around despite all the technical difficulties. I forsee rolled heads being chopped off by Miss Lizah. Dead Poet's society, I am going to rent it after EOYs.

shuffled plans, then went back to primary school, I missed you guys soo soo soo much. (: sorry I really couldnt join you guys for lunch ya, some other time perhaps. and my seniors came back! so cool okay.

right, I am half asleep now, and I need to get some church stuff done and try stuffing holiday homework into my brain later. yawns.

Thursday, August 28, 2008 @ 8:15 PM

you said we ought to stop fumbling around. but you know what? I sorta like it this way. you ought to know why

yes, tomorrow's the last day of school, officially, but there are a great deal of stuff tomorrow, and none of them involves the tedium of sitting in a classroom and trying hard not to stone or fall asleep and keep engaged.

well well well. EOYs are certainly going to look closer from the other side of the Sept holidays. need I say that exams start on T4W2. scary.

and something's wrong with my dear seniors, hmms. well, I gotta work it out somehow, I dont like leaving things hanging around.

much as planned, the sept holidays are going to be a regime of work, mugging, revision and filing. I swear I am turning into a droid. well, think of post exams will be fun, I suppose. cedaropenhouse first up, which reminds me I need to settle a few stuff, hmmmm.

right, back to studying, since I wasted an entire afternoon. not that I regret it, it was a much needed relaxing process.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008 @ 8:40 PM

I've just finished maths homework, and am about to move to mugging my brains out. however, funny conversation. love ya lots, muacks.

*identity hidden

*: can you tell me why the hell are you so tired.
me: cause, er, I am sleepy
*: end of years?
me: pretty much I suppose
*: okay?! you crazy love. you have taken close to 7 years of end year papers, why are you panicking.

makes sense, right?
still, I am panicking, hehs.

the walk made me smile, and it felt really really good. muacks.

@ 7:29 PM

fear of nothing.
yes. I fear nothing.

I fear having nothing. results, friends, acceptance, goals, dreams. the day when all of this becomes dust will be the worst day, hour, minute of my entire life. fear, of not picking myself up together. fear, in the fear of failure, knowing that it would hold me back.

fear, gut wrenching, heart twisting feeling. you stand, still. for the love of yourself, cant seem to be able to move. anticipation, tensions.

I fear, and yet, who dares show it. weakness, it is called.
goes to show, how warped this society is. first roles; gender, job were labelled, now it has even boiled down to labelling emotions. the distance that mankind can go to, indeed.

school day was rather silly. having a change of D&T partner's fun, I see her face I want to laugh already, dont know why. HAHA. hysterical, from all the stress. study skills during TOP was plain boring, annoying, and un-helpful. yes yes, thank you very much, I can study, now let me prove it to you by studying and not wasting 1hour listening to you talk crap? if we had to wait for a simply redundant talk about memory to help us study, then well well well, I am sure all the tests we have done so far were open book tests? silly, really.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 @ 10:39 PM

I wish I were a robot.

robots dont make mistakes

robots dont feel tired

robots are efficient and emotionless

robots would always know what to do and

humans get the worse deal, honest.

school's been a lark, Mrs Jai get the funniest and stupidest people to test for Olevel oral.

one guy goes for sports events just to look at hot girls despite not having sports ability
one guy thinks that the way we destroy our environment is by going chop chop chop chop the trees.

one point for brutal honesty and one point for half listening to half a geog lesson. he probably missed out on the word "deforestation" in the second part of the geog lesson? smart people. reminds me of blond jokes and the one that goes, a boy stripped before answering his paper because the question said, answer in brief.

dumb people, haha.

oh, and my class has been pretty excitable these days, over what, I have absolutely no idea. we start being restless like 1/2 hour before any of the two lovely bells ring, the one that rings for recess and the one that rings for the end of a school day. excitable kids, I wonder what goes through the teacher's minds when we start mumbling and it just sounds like a blur of noises. poor teachers.

rawr, no break for me, or I suppose pretty much the entire level over the sept holidays. poor kids, stupid education system. not that we can do anything about it, and since we cant change the system, it seems like all we can do is live with it, however terrible it may be

right. debate last session, and I didnt improve. I am sad. I need, I dont know. the drive and passion are still there, so what the hell is wrong with me! sheesh. will get back to it after exams, sad as it may be.

Monday, August 25, 2008 @ 10:35 PM

geraldine's feeling damn cranky now. really.

whoever talks to me is at high risk of being blasted, or shot down. so, stay away. bad mood alert, dont say I didnt warn you.

another 40 mins and it will be 23 days to EOYs. I am scared.
I am fine with subjects I can handle. I know that I can manage if I put my mind and soul to it. history, geog, science, lit. maths baffles me, chinese gives me a headache.

gosh. I am paying the price for slacking in full now.

lots of things to laugh about, to giggle about, to be bimbotic about. being in a girls school gives me the thrills anytime, cause we can be frank about practically everything. studying with esther is always fun, cause she is just so lovable. love that girl, nerd partner <3

hey old one, you know I will be here right, no matter what happens. you know that I am right here, and if you need a shoulder, a ear, you know I am always here, will forever be there for you. go, fly as high as you can. go, be the greatest you can be. go, chase after your dreams, go bring back the bubble of dreams that will make you happy, will put a smile on your face. but if you scrape your knee, fall, become tired. come running back. I am here. remember that. I love you. we were not meant to be together. but friends, at the very least. you sounded so fragile it made me feel like pulling you into my arms. this is not the person I know. go, go after what you want. be strong, stand tall. you can do it.

and to the lil one, that's the spirit. it is an experience. go, get hurt, get sad, experience the feelings with all you have got. dont ever hold back. cause that's how you learn. through scrapes, tears and saddness. pick yourself up, and yes, with a touch of maturity and with your smile. (:

Sunday, August 24, 2008 @ 9:01 PM

after yesterday's company dinner. I swear if I ever find out who invented strappy high heels and started the societal norm that ladies should be lady like and be all prim and proper in dresses, and murder becomes a non state offence, I really really will kill that person, then throw him (probably) down the highest building.

overall, boring. brainless young guys who try to act intelluctual, or old guys talking about investments. property investments and the likes. and the continuos, "oh you have grown up" of course I did you twits, I am a growing child. sheesh! so, as much as I can conduct myself properly at formal occasionals, give in reasonable input when it is expected of me, I do not like it. yes, hear my tortured cries.

today's zhu ri went well. (: there's the end of chior practise, and we are all suffering from post, no need to stay back in church for so long syndrome. this occurs every year after xue sheng zhu ri. good job to those in charge, and to my fellow chior-ers, rest well and wait for next year to do something again (: production was much more fun though, sheesh.

been following my study timetable so far, religiously. well, at least I have been taking the effort to! well well well, knowing myself well, I need to put a how long more behind. hehs.

I am highly suspicious of your every word and move now. dont blame me, blame yourself.

@ 12:40 AM

cause it hurts so much,
all I can do is to sit still, in a vain attempt to quench the hurt.
till now, still the same.

event to event.
you have no idea, absolutely no idea,
how I really really just want to strangle my weakness.

it wont kill me,
but I'd rather die than put up with this kind of incomplete.

will post soon, it's late, and I need to catch up one one chapter of science.

Friday, August 22, 2008 @ 6:15 PM

school's just fine, and we are trailing along, right behind time. it is scary counting down to the EOYs, and your heart just plunges down along with the numbers. everyday I walk into the classroom, where our dear monitress would have had faithfully updated the counter on the board, and think, I wasted one night yesterday. tick tock tick tock. I am not a mission to save the world. more like I am on a mission to ruin my head.

everyone's been cranky, tempers fire up at the smallest matter. people just dont feel like talking to each other, and as much as there is laughter, there is crankiness and snapping, and the occasional silence, be it hostile or companion like. they say that school days are the happiest times in your life, and most of the time, i agree. sadly, this is definitely not one of them.

a few more months and it's a goodbye to my sec2 life. why do I feel that I am not ready, not so enthusiastic, not so eager to move up one stage like I was last year?

and more still, I look out of the window at random moments, and wonder what you are doing, what you are thinking now. mr bad weather, it's about time you dispersed.

Thursday, August 21, 2008 @ 10:53 PM

gosh, you.

I am tired too. has that ever occured to you? I have had less than 4 hours of sleep for nearly a week, trying to help you, trying to make sure you didnt have too much on your plate, trying to relieve you of what I could. and you turn on me and scold me now? I am not obliged to help you, did you know? what kind of a person are you? I go to bed each night, tired, fatigued, aching shoulders. and all you know is You, You, You. who the hell do you think you are? my head? I am so damn sorry, but you have not as of yet earned my respect as my head, and I dont treat you like that yet.

even if you were. damnit, you have no right. absolutely no rights, to scold me.

you irritate, digust and put me off. annoyance.

@ 8:34 PM

struck by the way you could hold my gaze without a flinch of guilt. like nothing's happened, and we are still us. dont confuse me further, dont lead me again. I am not some puppy you can yank by the string. I am stronger than you think. dont classify me, my friend.

oh oh oh! quoting onion's blog

" how we disliked Geraldine cause she seemed like a show off. HAHA. and i still remembered how rude she was when talking to me! D:but of course we love her now, she wasn't what we thought she was :D hah, see, looks deceive(: "

HAHA, and I thought she was dumb and made it to cedar by fluke. I remembered thinking if she had a brain or an inch of commonsense when she was talking about our orientation performance. ohmy, I am so amused.

" then how noob and toot xinhui was the last time. skirt damn high, tie damn long, shirt damn small. no fringe, hair pulled to the back. HAHA. i think after she passed puberty, she learnt to have more fashion sense and stuff :D "

yea man, now her uniform's plain sloppy. really. xinhui, half the time I want to whack you because of your ugly uniform. it makes you look terrible. I prefer the toot xinhui.

rawr. leena's still the same though. thought bel was nice until she stuck to enrica and I remember being very put off by enrica. sherilyn I found annoying, and glennis I found irritating. wait, now I cant remember who I stuck to during orientation. lone ranger. hehs.

right, enough of sec1 days. &we are back to sitting at the round table. reclaimed territory, and no more starbucks table! we would have to take up like 5 tables now though, since recess's gang expanded. (:

and where the hell is my el sec2 outing my dear human beings?!

timetable for eoys are out, how annoying. humanities are over the weekend, it drags over three weeks, (gasps) and well. tick tock tick tock. I am feeling the stress now.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008 @ 10:35 PM

news report

I report scandalous couple leenalee and izah! zomg. the son-in-law anyhow hanky panky with the mother-in-law! leaving a very sad second husband aka mr hananthaha, and a very sad wife for leenalee, miss isabel low.

miss isabel low is filing for alimony fees of $5000 a month.
mr hananthaha refuses to let go of his wife, awww hanan.

moreover.

both mr leenalee and miss isabel low claims that mr michealphelps (spelling?) aka water god/ monster(*quote mdm er) is their respective gay partner and husband.

poor daughter of scandals sherilyn. TP, dont be too sad over your parents, they are a rubbish bunch, HAHA.

also, miss/mr (her sex is versatile) xinhui has had alot of scrapes with her being a miss instead of the affairs of the three sisters and the two daughters which she plays the role of a sir. ohmygosh.

I have also disowned Miss Cassandra Tho, oniontho, because SHE ANYHOW ADOPT SON FOR ME! *!%*&!*%&

HAHAHAH.
this is one baddd family tree!

@ 9:09 PM

haha, I realise my recesses are full of fun and good cheer. just the past two days and today have been able to prove my point sufficiently.

yesterday's recess:

bel and deep infront of hanan, me behind hanan. sec1 infront of bel. talked random stuff. then, dang dang dang dang, a bunch, no I am absoulutely serious, a bunch of sec1s joined the lone sec1 infront of bel. HAHA. of course we started grumbling, and the people behind us showed their displeasure too. but that hanan, HAHA. ohmygosh.

" sec1s, please stop cutting queue " - patiently
" sec1s, I said, queue for your food " - irritated
" excuse me sec1s! I am a PSL, and I am hungry, and STOP CUTTING QUEUE " - haha, caps are for a reason.

HAHA, damn funny. some of the sec1s just continued doing what they were doing though, irritating twirps.

today's recess.

we were talking about us as sec1s ( talk about noob and toot ) and first impression of each other, our uniform ( nice and neat and long and tucked in and short blouses ). well, apparently, we didnt like each other, at all, surprise surprise, and those we used to hang out with during orientation we no longer do, and well, the end result. an often high, stupid and very interesting mix of people from all kinds of cca and all kinds of character. - clique, I love you all. HAHA, but it was damn amusing talking about it. " I didnt like you because you looked and sounded smart " "You sounded so stupid and nonsensical, I remember thinking you were noob " and we all thought that izah look ahlian! not that we dont anymore, HAHA. but now we know she is a really nice person to know (:

HAHA, TP! remember we used to gossip and scold bel and enrica behind their backs while now they tell us they were doing the same thing infront of us! HAHAHA, and now we are all like, inseperable or something?!

geez. these are the days I will surely treasure, laughter and fun. and sad, soon all these will be over. soon. and I am not sure they would last. sighs.

school's been alot more stressful, and more fun, with the last CT officially over, until the EOYs, which are in 29days time. tick tock tick tock.

double science wasnt as bad as we thought, and oh, me and yanah get to the most stupid conversations where rubbish just spew out all over the place and we end up in near hysterical laughter. whoo partner, whoo!

and the CCA records are annoying. apparently, according to the dumb thingumee, I have less than 20hours of CIP and 0% CCA attendance. both are Impossible. totally impossible, and 2 marks? No participation for ANYTHING? excuse me, I am not anti social and I dont lock myself at home, sheesh!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008 @ 8:51 PM

You, my dear, annoy me to no extent. I am ashamed to call you my classmate, ashamed to acknowledge you as a cedarian. you have utterly no sense of shame, no sense of where and how to stop being a total rule breaker. you are no difference from the sec1s that me and yanah abuse privately, and I am sure, your seniors are probably doing the same to you. and, well. people like you give us a bad name. shame on you.

I am in a highly temperamental mood, despite a relatively okay mathspaper5 and okay results for hist ct4. due to the annoyance of someone, and the detoriating debate standard that I have. sighs. learnt alot though, prep was good, and it was worth skipping the science lesson for it. goodjob, everyone. oh, and I realised I really really miss being juniors and just relying on the seniors. gahh, I miss the sec4s and relying heavily on the sec3s. but prep gave us a chance to work with the juniors, and I hope you guys learnt something. (: & I need to do something about my debating standard. this will not do. Not At All. Sigh.

gah. I am in no mood to do anything save slam people, so, yesh.

Monday, August 18, 2008 @ 10:33 PM

I am a very very busy person.
tomorrow, I will be involved in two main activities.

1. Me and Yanah will be catfighting in the courtyard, since we observed that there is no physical bullying, only mental ones, in cedar. it shall start with her pushing me and calling the dog I will be bringing to school, bitch. and me calling the cat she will be bringing to school, stinking cunt. HAHA, must remind me to mess up your hair okay, and you are supposed to scratch me! HAHA.

2. I will be ~~burning~~ (shar' scared of fire) ~~flooding~~( shar's scared of water ) putting cement on the school tomorrow with shar, cause of the calamity that has befallen the lower sec pupils. dang dang dang dang, math commontest5!

haha, enough nonsense already. nonsense overload. as you can see, gene therapy and the likes do not go very well with mugging maths for commontests.

this is how all we currently look like, miaow!

well, the only thing major was mrs menon scolding us, for I dont know what either, cause I was in the toilet trying to make my contacts feel less scratchy, and, science commontest results. erm, didnt reach my target, but close enough. well, hardwork's been paying off, all my results curves go up, save maths. fluctuation makes me head bigbig.

cip after school at st george's, and it is coming along quite okay now, since the children there are slowly getting to know us better. liuliu is such a lame person, I swear. oh, she has fantastic patience with the kids. honest. sherilyn was having teeny problems explaining light reflection to the p4 girl.I ended up using bouncing balls to illustrate reflection, HAHA.

oh, and I realised NCC people are super lame and super amusing. (: they cant beat my own cca mates though! love you, sec2s el. cheer up, even though this is quite a depressing period of time. (:

and gahh, I dont know if I should go for cca or science supp. there's prep for spar which I really dont dont dont want to miss. hate these, ccas - acedemic conflicts. rawr.

Sunday, August 17, 2008 @ 8:54 PM

omg, I am so screwed for Maths CT5. die die die die die. I hate maths. rawr.

Saturday, August 16, 2008 @ 8:39 PM

caught up on my sleep today, too much. went for cip at the library. workshops and story telling, the green and red faced monster, HAHA. I fan lian with you ah, bel! went munch munch after that since we all hadnt had lunch, yoshinoya followed by macs icecream. good company, yea.

went home, changed, then rushed out again to fetch dear angela from the airport. welcome back my love. enjoy the tropics before heading back to the cold ya! and many many loves for that watch, you know me best still. (: heart to heart talks over dinner, when we kicked the guys over to another table. gosh, I missed you so much, best friend. didnt walk around with them around T3, much as I was tempted to.

right now, I have a pretty long todo list, and I need to get to it soon, else I am going to have another late night.

Friday, August 15, 2008 @ 11:55 PM

damn flat out tired. clocked in like what, two hours of sleep or something last night! was running on adredaline the entire day, or so it felt.

swimming was damn cool. HAHA. (: I like knocking on shower doors and shout at them to hurry up, I think it is quite cool. some people ah, damn slow one can! shower for so long!

lessons were pretty much okay, and the electricity chapter. my mind acts as tungsten, which has a high resistance. I resist anything that has got to do with physics!

watched stepup2, okay, half watch. and what the hell, he is so unhot. and so annoying. if I were the girl, I will flat out kick him out onto the street.

will be doing souvenirs for cedar openhouse, and I am stuck with the, what exactly represents drama and debate, and would impact the sec1s to be? hmm.

gotta go hop around for ideas. (:

Thursday, August 14, 2008 @ 10:55 PM

this is real ; this is me

no more hiding

stretch my wings, preparing for an exhilarating flight

I am absolutely peeved by the way some, no, alot of the sec1s are blatantly flaunting the rules. sure, I am not perfect, I break alot of school rules, and so does the 3/4 of my level that does not have the extra burden of leadership positions. but this is totally outrageous. you break them, but you dont act like they dont exist. can you have some sense of shame? and you know teachers read your blog. can you dont do something as stupid as this? let's just take it that I am pleading with you. dont be so damn shamless, thank you.

maths remedial, so many people crashed! like smart people like bel low, and make all of us feel dumber than we already are.

geez, I shouldnt even be here. reached home at 6 plus and plopped on the bed, intending for a 10min close eye after shower. ended up sleeping till 9.30. and I have a thousand things undone. okay, maybe not a thousand, just three major ones.

oh, did I ever mention I hate girls who cant seem to live without guys and would go to all extent for one? get the hint, humans.

and I heartily agree with Jemima, our school produces top rate actresses, cause we practise all day long.

slowly but surely, the grinding is coming.

35 days to EYEs.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008 @ 6:36 PM

oh, maths homework makes people feel accomplished, honest!

tiring day, nevertheless. and oniontho, you good you, pangseh me alone in the canteen do maths!
super fake day, wonder at how I could smile, joke, laugh, act stupid, be stupid when I was in turmoil.

mdm er has something against me, I swear. sheesh. what exactly have I done wrong?

gah. I am tired. find me a way to relax, now that I am fully immersed in mugger mode.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008 @ 10:50 PM

you.

do you honestly think that I am an idiot who was born yesterday? or for that matter, a hour back? excuse me, I am so sorry to break your bubble, but I am actually 14. not 4. nor 4 hours old. I do know how to differentiate lies from sincerity, thank you very much. you irritate me to no end, and, I unlike you, cannot sleep as of yet. I have more than enough things to do without you trying to happily shrug off your responisbility and thrusting it to me. do you know that you have not done anything at all to help? dont give me your high and mightiness, spare me. dont give me the "you and I are very much alike". I dont treat people as play things, I actually do know the meaning of respect. dont. please, just stop it. please stop playing me like a fool. leader, you? ohplease. can you stop lying to yourself? if you cant even play team memeber properly, what kind of a leader are you?

arrogance will one day undo you.

and you say you are my friend? I scorn that word now. if you are a friend, I could turn around and embarce my enemy.

I am not as mild as you think. dont underestimate me. being mild and agreeable doesnt mean I dont have a temper. you are on dangerous grounds there, friend.

@ 10:18 PM

sheesh, my atoms and molecules was pushed back another week.
went off to mug with TP. same place, same food, same thing.

I am absolutely conked out now. rawr. dont know why I am feeling so tired too. hmm.

tutsis and hutus

mercy killing not merciful

ipw presentation

"clique" problems

mugging

I am so tired, I am exhausted. mentally. hold on, hold fast g. cause no one is going to be holding on to you so that you dont fall.

oh, cookie monster and elmo are the loves. (:

got my geog back, and I am quite happy with my results. see, hardwork does pay off TP. dont give up! (:

and deepa is a born ahlian. iie lurbee euuu worszsz. hahahah, only she can type "ahlian" so accurately. we were positive flipping during english. HAHA. Mrs Jai almost fainted when she saw the screen. and deepa is the slowest typist! slowwww!

good luck to the sec4s for prelims and english oral Os.

but I have no more energy to continue this war we waged.

and when I hear of you people gushing, you dont know how hard I wish that you were my age. then I could be ordinary, for once.

being extraordinary was never my wish.

how I miss you so.

Monday, August 11, 2008 @ 9:49 PM

they make my sundays. the guys leh? with the exception of one.

@ 7:57 PM

went to st george with the ipw group to settle the damn ipw today. well, I would say it went smoothly, I like what I see, and there are alot of potential to-be's to play around with. kids, I like.

spoke to the person in charge as a group, and she seems okay to work with. honest, to say in the least. started on the ipw thingumiee then. split up into two and threes and the mardi, bel and sherilyn took the older kids whereas me and leoleo went to take the preschoolers.

cute to say in the least, adorable. could be quite a handful if we were not firm enough, and since me and leoleo both lean towards the firm side, we were okay. the kids likes to be cuddled and often want to be carried, which I sorta expected when we were told they were a crisis shelter. but at the end of the day, kids will be kids.

oh, and I swear leoleo's irritating! she keeps saying I am motherly. rawr. I am not. I am the furthest thing from being motherly, sheesh!

then we went to eat, saw xinhui. I can only say I have no eyes to see. inapporiate dressing as an understatement. and that guy, sheesh?

walked around, went kino with bel and leoleo. fun! retards to the max. hahaha.

gahh, I am tired, and I want to clock in a chapter of science today.

@ 7:30 PM

nothing better than a sadder person to make you realise that you arent that sad afterall.

much to say, but more to complete. perhaps later.

Sunday, August 10, 2008 @ 9:28 PM

you disgust me. utterly disappointed in you. a friend, you say. a friend? hear the mockery.

I meant every word I said. I will remember you, remember us. but not like this.
life got in the way, and we are both back where we are.

reality. it kicked in hard.

the only way to disguise the pain. the lurch in the stomach.

I tried so hard, so hard to walk away. I failed, so miserably.

the me you know died. shrivelled up from the pure misery and stop the tedious business of a beating heart.

wish you are okay, wherever you are. we are still looking at the same moon.

@ 8:31 PM

church.

nothing much. nothing right. nothing left. nothing up. nothing down.
just in the middle, on the fence, not doing anything, not making any decisions.

ever since I entered secondary school, I enjoy my once a week gathering with my brothers are sisters. we can be doing the most ordinary things like singing with the worship leaders prepping for worship, eating breakfast, eating lunch, sharing umbrellas in the rain, whacking each other, playing games. and yet we still have fun, and yet the bond is there. and once a week, it is so easy to let your guard down, and tell yourself, this is home.

arguments happen, unhappiness occurs. but at the end of the day..

I love you churchies. muacks.

@ 1:56 AM

most of the time, I have already forgotten about you.

but sometimes, I think of you, often when I least expect it. and the pang of pain makes me want to double over.

sometimes, when I need someone to talk to, I think of you.
when I need to hear someone tell me that it is okay to be weak, that it is okay to cry.
that it is okay not to be the very best, that it is good for you to slack.
when I need someone to tell me that studying is important for me right now. to tell me my dreams are right.

when I am angry, peeved, sad, still, happy, jumping, high, stupid, retard, serious, stressed, relaxed, sleepy, awake.

I just wish you were here, beside me, right now. that you were on another msn window, and making me smile.

time now's 2am in the morning. another sunday ; another heartbreak.

goodnight.

Saturday, August 9, 2008 @ 2:46 PM

breaking points everybody has. dont make it sound like a crime when I finally break. I warned you, I have told you more than once than when I get riled up, I will retaliate, I wont let you step over my head.

but now, it seems like I am wrong. I see cracks in the facade I call friends.

are you all lies?

all of you.

masks are splitting apart, revealing who we really are. I wonder about the results.

the fire rages. the final question, will it burn us all?

@ 1:06 PM

had national day celebrations in school yesterday. fun, overall was okay, but boy, heads are so gonna roll in the "after" parts.

march in wasnt as good as last year, but it is always different and fun when you know your friends are amongst those marching. we were randomly shouting names and "the right one, second role lah!" was a common phrase heard. good job. band performance was damn funny, jemima! you were good! and I saw my dear dear table partner happily playing her instrument.

indoor wasnt too bad, the prize giving system's changed since I emceed last year. weird, I sorta prefered the other organisation. this time's was abit weird. singing was damn crazy and high though. "snakes" formed around the hall, everyone going "dont care lah! just join!" circles around the hall of best friends moving to the songs, and jumping as a hall. that was so cool. practically the whole hall was jumping ; on stage, and off stage. go cedar!

went back with estee, met prabmeet and the juniors. gosh, I miss talking to babylove on busrides home. she's still the same though, jiayou for prelims. mrt ride home was a "mixture of all four levels" and the sec3 and 4 were going on how they miss their seniors. well, my seniors are still around, at least for one more month. but time's really passing so fast, it's scary.

right. I need to go clear up my homework pile. my parents are at taka, but really, I dislike squeezing with crowds (:

Happy Birthday Singapore.

Thursday, August 7, 2008 @ 9:53 PM

I do not know whether to laugh or to cry everytime I study with esthergoh. I am sure, much as I do not completely agree with the way things are going at the moment (mind you I am not refering to the new rules), and I am putting question marks behind alot of things, we're just going to be good juniors and as far as possible, good seniors. that's our goal as a level, and we're gonna keep it, right? jiayou my friends.

oh, and we did the leadership graph today. haha, irony, how a teacher who completely doesnt know me is rating me as a leader. wait, the greater irony is that half of us are not leaders. scored high for encouraging the heart, and my dear ccamate doesnt think I can enable others to act, I think I would range in the medium range for leading.

and I swear, I am going to make you pay in full for all the pain you made me feel. I am paying you back in kind. you are the cause of it, you can find a way to end it. we'll play this game your way, but in the end, we are going to win. that, I promise you. I am sorry, you pushed me past my patience.

gahhs, tomorrow we are going to look like walking national flags. and trust me when I say I do not look forward to it.

I am in no mood to study, and EOYs are 43days away.

I am rather disturbed by the things I found out. should I or should I not confront you? or shall I just play my role quietly? we'll see. pray that my discretion does not desert me at this point. remember though, you dont fool me,and you will never get the chance to play me around your finger, or for that matter, anyone else in my level. you can try, but you wont win. stop now, before I make you. I warned you.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008 @ 9:54 PM

reached school at 6am this morning, tapped in at 6.02am. I am almost dead sure that I was the only person in school until 6.10 or something. as such, my happy morning consisted of frightening a few people, ie, the cleaner auntie who when she saw me sitting on the piano stool, gave a jump, and my dear shinigami, when I was sitting in class without the lights swinging my legs with the fan on. I recall a similar event last year, just that the person being freaked was enrica. hahaha, yes yes, I enjoy looking at shadows cast by streetlights and orange lights in a dark room. cool experience then, been so early in the old compound once or twice, but this is a first in the new compound.

oh, and I was so tired today! I really was trying to keep awake, and apart from occasional dozing, I think I managed pretty well. "geraldine! head off the table" - yannah!

haha, and me and my tablepartner are such mean humanbeings. apparently ____ went for prefect nominations. are the sec1s so short of choices or are they just blind, deaf and plain dumb? anyway, mark my words, if she gets in, I am losing what little respect I have left for prefects. few scenarios we came out with out of boredom during english.

"good morning school, here are today's annoucements. annoucement 1: tomorrow will be a school holiday cause it is -insert teacher's name that the sec1s are mad about- birthday"

"cedarians, please note that apporiate attire consists of the smallest blouse that you can fit into, short skirt worn way above your waist, and a tie as short as possible. you are also to note that you are not allowed to untuck your blouse.. your pony tail must also be at least 20cm above your scalp line. in short cedarians, please do your best in looking like an ahlian " - picture prefects holding a ruler during morning assembly!

"sec1s, please note that you are to be totally crazy and obessed with your seniors and you are to engage in stalking them at least once a week. failure to comply will result in ostracisation and expellation. "

"cedarians, note that all normal conversation is to be ceased in any part of the school at all times. you are only allowed to squeak and scream."

HAHA. how mean of us. well, cant help it if she carries herself like that. seriously, it's not in my place to say this, but I feel that the standard is going down, way way way down. existing pupil leaders illustrate my point most clearly. gahh.

studying with esther again tomorrow, nerd partner! (:

Tuesday, August 5, 2008 @ 11:49 PM

sheesh, I sprained my writing hand. ouchs. how to write tomorrow?

well well well. spot check today. and it brings along with all its "skirt, nails, hair, tie, badge, socks" implications, grumblings, and if you were to look at it from another point of view, amusement.

yes indeed. especially for people who do not get punished, it really is rather amusing. and whenever spot checks happen, it brings about it with the good cheer and sense of bond when we sit down and thrash teachers for being inflexible rigid no life no fashion sense robots. personally though, these are rather extremem views, and really, dont like it right, do something about it! however though, maybe they would like to be more..standardised in their checkings? no offence to the 2C people, but I am sure that anytime, the rule breakers would outnumber those of H and A? highly ironic then, that the whole 2C was sitting down.

and perhaps, the teachers would like to experience wearing uniforms, especially the skirts, so that the difference between tapered and tight cause of figures can be seen? that, really riled me up. poor Izah.

watched a few funny video clips and Hotel Rwanda during debate. mhms. highly recommended, but, hmmmmms. I know a few of my friends wouldnt enjoy it. people like bel and sherilyn. haha

genocides. why? and what were the UN doing when all these are happening?

who to blame, how to place the blame?

utimately, it is still the WHY which is yet to be answered.

gahh, it's late. I shall go sleep.

@ 9:04 PM

interesting day today. debate.

I have a question.

why?

Monday, August 4, 2008 @ 6:19 PM

do you know you are making me damn exasparated? irony, the mock of your words. I wish I could give you a slap and wake you up. are you in a deep dream, or are you simply lost to me? please stop soon my friend, else things will really be too late. please. dont wait till things get out of hand.

monday blues.

oh, I dislike people who jump to conclusions without getting the entire story. you annoy me. you really really do. as a person who is important to school, shouldnt you think over your words before passing or feedbacking to others.

relatively average day.

I have homework stacked to the celling. and I have tution later. I shouldnt even be here.

mugging with esther and slacker sunshine was effective though. at least for me and esther. obviously for the slacker..spent the last half hour of our time talking about el. we'll just have to see. we're successfull as a level, no doubt, in comparison. but is it enough?

one thing for certain though, sec2 chalet! ;)

my mind's on auto after tests default slack mood. and I cant seem to find the control button to go back to mugging mood. geez.

Sunday, August 3, 2008 @ 8:59 PM

I am incredulous at the level you sank to.

did you honestly think I was born yesterday? or that I walk around with my head under my wing?
it stings. honestly. this is making me irritated.

very irritated.

gentle reminder, I am neither blind, deaf nor senseless.

sure, you call me miss steel. but let me remind you, I do have a temper. and I know how to use it, and very well at that.

I am inbetween the verge of hysterical laughter and gut wrenching anger.

@ 8:41 PM

sunday.

and I need to cut back and have more self control, else I am going to end up another tv addict to add on to a probably very significant amount of addicts.

oh, I am so happy, me and esther will be mugging at the student lounge tomorrow and the tomorrow of everyweek, plus thursday. student lounge's my new love.

it felt weird today. and going early to church always makes me awfully amused. my churchies loveee. sermon wasnt inspiring or anything. but I wanna go for that stephen sermon. sheesh, it is so late. we'll see, I suppose.

and I cant figure out why I am so tired. mentally, in particular.

you're a bouquet of lavender, lichen and eglantine rose. beautiful.

you know the meanings of these flowers as well as I do.

I wish I could say that I didnt care. I really do.

Saturday, August 2, 2008 @ 10:16 PM

decidedly slack day, I didnt know what I was doing for the entire day. mhms, should I be worried?

watch the black box with my younger brother. he was watching the disc of 王子变青蛙 and I dont know. haha. I am either a zombie, criticising supposedly good scenes, or wanting to cry at the stupidiest stuff. polarisation, rationale, sentimental. I should try to find an inbetween ground, soon.

conclusion: I am not a good person to watch romance movies with.

if only tears could flow the emptiness in my heart, I would gladly allow it to flow
but since it cant, I wont.

I wont cry. wont allow myself to.

ohgawd, tomorrow's sunday again.

I missed the times when I would be watching some nonsnese on tv and you will be talking to me on sms, and I would have someone to tell what I felt too. no. not anymore. the scabbed's been tipped apart yet again. and how I wish..

wishes never do come through, fool.

@ 1:40 PM

my good mood's been ruined.

try not to take out your temper on me ya? you are not the only one who's been feeling stressed. you are not the only one with things to do. you are not the only one who has the right to be angry.

I am about as stressed, if not more stressed than you. I am so sorry, if I want to be mean, I can very well say that the stress CCHMS has is nothing compared to what I am facing at the moment.

and since I am still standing strong, still standing tall, I see no reason why you are crumbling, giving in to your own temper.

my friend, I am strong enough to take what you throw at me without flinching with fear or giving in. my temper comes and fades within seconds, so I wont probably remember this for a very long time. I may even become amused at the chilidish level you are descending to. cause you are not worth my anger.

but I promise you this, make me angry enough, and I promise you, most sincerely, I will make you sorry you ever thought you could step over my head.

try to remember that, the next time before you do anything.

my friend, be strong. cause the world does not revolve around you and you only.

Friday, August 1, 2008 @ 11:20 PM

well well well. today was lit commontest. the last commontest of term3, the last of sec2. mhms.

it went well, I suppose. and I daresay that we are a bunch of paranoid kiasu cedarians that are super afraid of failing any tests, and before any thingum has to be even attempted, we have to double confirm, triple comfirm. what an interesting phenomenom?

Mayer's finals today, didnt get the fight I expected. parallel case, even, to a certain extent. not much clash, and alot of squabbling at the examples instead of going to the principal. didnt really get where mgs was coming from till the second speeches? good debate style though, definitely.

dismayal attendance, since the sec3s only chud could go, the rest had ndp rehersals. the sec2s only me, but the sec1s had a three out of four attendance, good. (:

cabbed with anisha whilst the other two went with chud. discussions, friendly talks. while, we gotta start somewhere.

somethings happened during the aftermath of the debate. hmms. dont know whether to laugh or to be embarrassed. zomgosh. hahah, it's okay, we all have our embarrassing moments, and we made new friends! how nice, no?

dinnered. friendly chats, nonsensical laughter, good food. (: and debaters bonding and the start of some form of decent communication with the juniors. I certainly enjoyed myself. that and the train ride home. sec1s, remember what I said after chud left ya? (: I hear anything around the school I will go after people's necks. (:

oh, eh, vomiting does not equate to pregnancy ah, -clique inside joke-
and, HAHA, screaming at classes inside science labs when they are humans! deepa, HUMANS, not GHOSTS! HAHA

to those stressed, sad, pissed, angry ( seemingly common,weirdly, after CTs ) ; hugs! and you are to smile, cause my hugs are damn precious ya! jiayous!

protagonist

Geraldine
snow_ball1994@hotmail.com

~~coralite~~
cedarian
~~co-leader~~
~~exco, beloved~~
cedarELDDS;debator
sec3ELfamilyofai!
clique1H'07; 2H'08
Echo 2008 ; the ten of us, plus the four instructors <33

♥

The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them.