♥ for all that we've done,

Friday, October 31, 2008 @ 11:39 PM

I'll always remember
It was late afternoon
It lasted forever
And ended too soon....
You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed

In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside
It was there that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

It was late in september
And I've seen you before
You were always the cold one
But i was never that sure
You were all by yourself
Staring at a dark gray sky
I was changed

I wanted to hold you
i wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything, all right

I realised I like songs titled cry. this is by mandy moore and I like the Rihanna one as well. something tells me that I typed this before, but heck. I was reminded of conversations.

"eh, how can you do this, later I cry."
"cry louder, else pasir ris cannot hear"
"aiyo you, so bad. dao you then you know!"
"dao lah! who scared who!"

-10 seconds later-

"eh, not fun!"

I didnt know whether to laugh or cry when I saw this in convo history. gosh I miss you. moments like this never do last, do they? and a kind of chill sets over me.

@ 11:19 PM

And some people fight,

And some people fall,

Others pretend,they don't care at all

If you wanna fight,

i'll stand right beside you,

The day that you fall,

i'll be right behind you,

to pick up the pieces,

If you don't believe me,

then just look into my eyes,

Cause the heart never lies

~~Another year over,~~

~~And we're still together,~~

It's not always easy,

But I'm here forever.

read this somewhere, and once again on leena's blog
will I? this wait drags down on me. I wished I could say nothing has changed, but that's be a lie.

speaking of which, I'd better start preparing for COALs if I dont want to die. honestly? I am an extremely contented to be indoors person. went to the top of the spiderweb at PP with the help and intimidation of leena and tianqi. and it really aint that high at all. wonder how I am going to survive rock wall. I was such an idiot to go for COALs. should have had declined. but since I am in, might as well make the most of it.

if you ask me? I think my biggest problem is trusting. both the inability to trust others, and myself. how, mocking.

@ 10:29 AM

to my not so darling son:

Mr/Miss Goh Tian Qi. now this is where the nagging comes in, so you better stop emoing ah I tell you. first my daughter emos, then my son. dont know where all your emo genes come from, I am such a happy person. sheesh!

eh, remember that they are just your seniors who are, for the lack of a better word, facilitators for this camp. I refuse to type magic words I and C incase any person comes along and ctrl-f which is what I always do. anyway. the point is. dont let one sentence make or break your day ok? dont like that lah, it breaks everybody's hearts, and then me and rosalind wont have anyone to sing a certain titled song to you anymore /: how sad, no?

the magic C word. actually, C also can start for cooperation. which is what you need. and C also stands for confidence, confidence that your group will do fine. would think that you'd be immune to sacarsm now, seeing as it flies around all the time during recess. dont take it to heart k?

my phone is on 24/7. and my parents arent in town, so I am allowed to not sleep for an entire night. my future redcross head ah, cheer up! muacks!

@ 10:19 AM

the peace of the early morning. when the world looks half asleep.

@ 12:02 AM

I find it oddly amusing going around surfing blogs. admist all the enthusiasm about COALs and all, there is just that underlying sense of sacarsm and irony. and if I am honest, as with everything else that is done in cedar.

supposedly, in cedar, we are all leaders. and supposedly, those actually going for COALs, counting out prefects and PSLs, are all leaders of some sort within their ccas. logically looking at it then, we, campers, are all leaders, no?

yet there are so many problems with all the groups. the campers know it. the instructors know it. and probably, the teachers know it as well.

so isnt it just simply dripping with irony when we know so damn darn well that the problems all stem from one source?

at the end of the day, I am sure all the problems can be traced back to one source. and we arent idiots either, I doubt any camper isnt aware of this. then why. why is there still unhappiness within groups? why are the instructors not happy with how we are doing? why is it so that there isnt smooth cooperation? we ought to know right? how to best handle stuff, how to cooperate with each other. we are leaders? I feel quite let down. not by the camp, not by the instructors, not even with the campers. we are all trying our very bests, I know.

I know different people handle stuff differently, view stuff differently. that there are different leadership styles, but, I dont know. it just doesnt seem to satisfy my question, does it? we ought to know, we ought to be able to handle all these, but we arent, aint doing it well, aint doing it well enough.

the sense of disappointment is so tangible in the air, even in something as simple as a blog post. where's the yardstick? where's right and where's wrong? and where's good and where's bad? I feel so blind and without an aim when we are talking about COALs.

but we'll just try, and try and try harder. try and try and try harder. we wont give up, will we?

cause I still want to believe that we are stars, and that we can shine brightly, together. not even just echo, but everyone, really, every single one of us. I still want to hold on to that knowledge, that it only takes a spark, to get a fire going. call me idealistic, but I dont want to let go, not yet.

Labels: musing

Thursday, October 30, 2008 @ 10:50 AM

quoted, izah, about clique:

Each of us represents a star in Heaven. Sometimes we shine with the rest, sometimes we twinkle alone and sometimes, when we least expect it, we make someone else's dreams come true.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 @ 11:11 PM

pretty meaningless day, but sometimes, even meaningless feels good? well, I suppose if I live everyday like that, I will probably become glued to the couch. not a good thing. hmm.

dropped in at my junior's chalet today, and my my, they really have grown. since I last saw them, that is, which was quite some time back. I look at them and I think of the past, and well, it seems so long ago since I last planned a chalet, did something stupidly crazy, panicked over nothing and laughed hysterically while spraying nike bottles. the things we do when we are younger, haha.

to shermaine: here, your promised dedication. my dear junior, stop worrying so much over little little things k? you have a long way to go in terms of education. and with regards to that matter, think before you step k? maybe this aint such a good time? you are a lovely intelligent girl, so I guess you'll be fine. call me if you need to talk k?

realised a few things today, and perhaps, just perhaps, there are a few things to learn.

on a random note, I hate unorganised people doing unorganised stuff. need I say more?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 @ 2:07 PM

I found out something today. cant say that it shocked me, since I sorta expected it, hmm. well well. cant expect the whole world to be idiots and not do what we do, eh? I am suddenly reminded of a convo recently that I had with someone. hmmmmmm.

well, back from echo meeting at PP macs, and someone should be gnashing her teeth in pure undiluted jealousy, since I saw two certain somebodies. heh. son ah, son. who ask you dont want to be in echo who chose to have our meeting today. dont drink too much vinegar k, not healthy for you, HAHA. not productive eh, all the talks about ____.

"mine!"
"No! OURS!"

spiderwebbed (I doubt there is such a word) and took pictures, I want them ya! where are all our group photos! tsk! I like spending time with them outside chionging stuff, (:

on a personal level, I feel guilty, feels like I am not spending enough time with my friends, especially those who are not in COALs. ought to start cutting out time for them, mhm.

Monday, October 27, 2008 @ 8:48 PM

been packing my pig style room, and it was a rather ambitious task, even if I say so myself.

my room's like that.

you walk in, it's neat.
you open any drawer, it's neat.
you stare hard at a shelf, it's still neat and arranged.

you try to make sense of the neat stacks in files, good luck.
you try to arrange the room and organise everything neatly, which includes throwing out all the old textbooks, gosh, you are so dead.

which is why, my room resembles nothing whatsoever of MY room, and I guess I'd better step on it if I want to sleep soundly tonight.

oh, on a random note, I realised I like songs titled cry. both rihana's and mandy moore. even if half the time, it doesnt apply. hmm.

dont try to read my mind, ya? sometimes, what's in my head is better if it stays there.

Saturday, October 25, 2008 @ 3:25 PM

admist all the hustle and bustle, I have yet to blog proper about the last day of school, aka, dedications.

should I make this short and sweet? nahs, I want to remiscise over this two supposed honey moon years when I am older.

to the pupils from my batch, this was the courtyard as we knew it. not the carpark thing now that is trying to pass off. remember clique always being in front, the first five pair as it is. was always comforting to know that no matter how late I stumbled into the courtyard, there'd always be an empty seat waiting for me.

here, we fretted, listened to morning annoucements, tried not to nod off during wednesday reflections, did last minute mugging for commontests, look at so and so's seniors, snigger at interesting things, looked for Leena's buddy ; inside joke (:

so this is to a bunch of people who helped me tide through all the laughter, tears and sweat. who made going to school fun and gay, sad and irritating. to the clique of '08, hey guys, I sure will miss you all like crap.

Sherilyn - (ex)Table Partner! at the back of the classroom (:

sheesh, I tell you what, I swear we are a damn nonsensical pair. I still remember you introducing me to the world of colored markers at the back of the classroom, when we still sat behind bel and enrica. we gossip gossip about them behind, they gossip gossip about us infront. I remember colorful notes during geog lessons, and both of us napping together. I always scold you and then you will show me black face. then you lovee to complain to me about your cca. you damn nonsense ah you! continue to start conversations with me on msn, and who knows! one day I might be not doing any debate related stuff to entertain you eh? (:

whatever happens, I will remember you, remember us, no matter how annoying you become as you begin to whine about your cca yet again. mugging sessions at KFC, airport, popping pop-eye. we could do it again during exam periods ya!

Zee-yanah! - Table partner number 2! Cat eater! front front front of the classroom.

haha, gosh, I cant believe I thought you were by the book. well. you certainly did like to confiscate my book. gahhh. but noooo, by the end of the year, I was the one nagging at you to put away your edward series - see you gasps and hyperventilate again - anyway, I really did learn alot from you this year, not just about edward cullen, but, from your really straight and blunt comments. especially enjoyed complaining after chinese lessons to you, hearing you complain about ____. yes yes, we are complain boards, complain to each other all the time. laugh hysterically over nothing, letting mrs jai raise her eyebrows at us, complain about glittery slides together and gaze stricken at ____ earrings, observe people's perfume, haha.

haha, school would certainly have been really really dull without you! rodent loves her cat eater!

Cassandra Teo! - Mr Shinigami Yumyum, classmonitress, hubby, more often known as liuliu! future ncc head, this one! (:

haha, HUBBY! you irritant freakish person (: well, last year you were damn quiet, and then when you became bel's tablepartner this year you suddenly became one of our clique! the one who never goes down for recess and likes to nag at people not to waste food (: so, thanks for all that you have done this year for our more often that not irritating class. working with you for PBL2 was fun too! talking to you was really really fun, and it is especially amusing when you decide that you ought to be dao, since it never does work with me, heh. anyway, although I love my husband very much, I will still go ahead and have affairs!

bel - youngest sister!

haha, I wonder if you even read this, since it seems to me that BTC has taken away your computer time or something. always marveled at your patience, since you can tolerate people for damn long before exploding, unlike me, I have a short circuit.

you and your idols, first time being exposed to all this idolising non existent human beings! and it never strikes me how two such different people can get along so well, it really amazes me sometimes. I enjoyed every single minute with you within these two years, be it doing un-productive mugging where you claim I scare you, talking rubbish, sharing problems, meaningful talks, simply being high or raising eyebrows at stupid things people say. I'll really miss not being able to turn behind during some random lesson and then we will share the same expression, or having you cock your head at me. well, I will certainly treasure our friendship, and yesh, phishy phishy from taiwan? I love ya!

enrica- second sister

now we are talking similarities! more often than not, we are on the same wavelength. lab partner, home econs partner, PBL1 partner, we've been seeing each other around for practically everything. take exam results, you were beside me too, since your reg number is only one ahead of mine! we practially pair up for every single thing, sheesh! hmm, it was nice working with you, though more often than not we'd argue through every single thing, but it's ok; since we both know that by arguing we get things done fasterrrrrrr! hahahaha, will miss lab sessions with you, that's for sure! and this is a cheer to the two best cooks in kitchen 1! (:

Tianqi! - my dear lovely transexualite son! (; future redcross head, this one!

gosh, where should I begin? I think we only started getting close this year? like really really! well, I really love that brilliant smile of yours and your easy going manner ( which I doubt your poor juniors ever see, daokid! ) you never fail to make me smile, and I always know that no matter what happens to me, I can always count on you to offer me a hearing ear and not judge me for what I do. it's been tough on you having to sit out this entire year, but since you could handle that, I doubt there would be any other people that could make you damn pissed off and burst. haha, I am thinking of a certain _ _ _ _ and the new one, _ _ _. let's go out soon ya!

so son, here's to your smile and a hug! and I think arh, all the reunions sure will be we two plan one, piggies the rest! brownie baking first up! muacks!

oniontho/ cassandra tho! - lovely daughter!

eh you arh. you listen up k, everyone in the clique love you, and I want you to promise me that whatever happens in the future, be it your mom, guys, seniors, result, I want you to promise me that you will carry on bravely, and hold your head up high. I am not going to ask you to stop emo-ing or turn back into the onion that we all know, since I understand that people grow and people encounter problems that sometimes, just seems so insolvable. but I want you, to promise me, to promise all of us, that you will work hard, if for nothing, for us, the clique of 08.

I want to let you know, that if anything, anything that happens whatsoever in the future, and you find that you need someone to talk to, someone to lend a shoulder to cry on, that you will know that I will be here for you. I will, I promise. my phone's on 24/7, so if anything happens, call me, k? I love you, we all do, so stay strong. (: keep that beautiful smile and innocence of yours, cause that's what is ultimately you. (: muacks!

mardiana! - maid!

I see you in the background of this picture so this will have to do. blame yourself, normally dont take photo with me, then the only one I have makes me look so dishevelled! sports day that one lah!

so, yes, good luck to all your dancing, and stop jamie-ang-ing. he is so uglyyyy! go and get better guys luh, he cannot even speak proper english! acting as your mam, you are to dump him! so, this is to all the times we crap during SELC lessons along with yanah and izah, and do veiled talking back to miss minah. yes yes, and I know your newest passion is COALs, big surprise eh. go falcon you birdies! jiayou eh! and please arh, be more decisive with stuff k! always kena bullied one you!

hugs!

leenalee! - scandal scandal!

I guess when I look back and think about you, I will think about your smelly cameron highland room that reeks of instant noodles and wet socks, and the nonsense scandals you and izah get to. the dragon boating day the boat sure flip one, got you and izah together, hahaha!

so, I guess this is to you, for being such a retard who likes to spoil my image by posting unglam photos and making us all laugh with all your nonsense! we only got close this year too huh? I remember disliking you really much during orientation, and I know you thought that way too! (:

all right, please arh you smarty pants, dont slack next year, cause you are capable of getting so much more than what you are getting now. wish you good luck especially with the cca thingum, and I think it is about time to stop emoing over a certain someone who is on some really high place now hmm? and also, if you dareee betray my sister and get extramarital affair, you will dieeeeee at my hands, although I am quite open to bribes, heh.

let's hope we get the same class next year k! stupid leenalee! (:

whoo, long post. anyway, to all of you nonsense people, muacks! and I will see most of you during COALs dragon boating and musical yea? (:

Thursday, October 23, 2008 @ 10:13 PM

to anon: -raise eyebrow on the left side - you know what, I ought to be angry you are abusing my tagboard, but I just end up feeling really really amused. amusing. leave your name and I dont know, I like thrashing things out.

last day of school. hmm. stupid people, cry cry cry, then make me tear also. heh heh. clique ah clique, we'll still see each other, cry what cry! how many of us have coals dragon boating, should I bother counting. one month away only!

today was totally mad. billy banjah, friendship dance, random cheers. I probably threw all my face away at both the grass patch and the red brick road. haha, recess was damn amusing. "I dont want to eat" "CANNOT! last day of school you'd better eat with me!"

gosh I am going to miss you people like crazy, clearing classroom was really..sad. ):

oh, and on a random note, though coals has brought about many new experiences and joy and laughter and nonsense, it seems to me on the other hand, that perhaps, at certain moments, there must be pain to grow. go falcons, weather this through, and you guys will all grow stronger wing muscles. and for my own echo, I hope we maintain this fragile stability and peace and bond. I really really hope so. coals was meant for us to learn as leaders and enjoy ourselves as campers. let's really try to keep that in mind and not spoil that, ya?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 @ 10:40 PM

I am in a rather, errrr mood today, since someone just told me that I ou seniors. ou, for those blissfully ignorant people whom I know read my blog, means idolisation. the same way mug (robbery) means study. we cedarians have fantastic vocabulary, no?

ok, for the account, I do not ou anyone. like, really. I would tell you if I did, and the people closest to me knows for a fact that I dont. I respect, I like, I may even love my seniors. but trust me, I have no inclination whatsoever to pace outside their classrooms or follow them home or lounge in the foyer waiting for their appearance, no such thing. I go home whenever I feel like it, not at the whim of some senior. they are just that, be they instructors, debate seniors, random people who look er, cool? they are just, seniors. not goddnesses. like, seriously? -raise eyebrows-

anyway, today's spar went ok, didnt do as badly as I thought I would, though I am still seriously rusty, since I cant call to mind any terms that we normally just toss out. neither could I think and poi at the same time, or be as sharp as I would have liked to be at a spar. anyway, I am well, alive so that's enough, since tomorrow's the last day of school.

and and and, my seniors are the funniest and dumbest people alive. haha, they are absolutely amusing! poohja, chudney and joy! seriously, they dont have a serious bone in their body. heh, I know there are people seething in jealousy eh? I also found out alot of amusing things about my coals instructors, so it will be a miracle if I dont crack a smile the next time I see them, which come to think of it, aint such a good idea.

I feel guilty too, since I found out that my instructors were scolded for the trust fall accident. It really really wasnt their fault, and unless they were the ones falling or spotting, no one could have blocked it from happening. I feel bad.really really bad. pooh, WHY did you have to tell me ):

gee, long post. tomorrow's the last day of school, but there's this pressing feeling that I havent done what I ought to do, and well, I guess it'll mark the end of sec2 life, as I know it. submitting that option form had an air of finality that was, oppressing.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008 @ 10:32 PM

I ought to write a death will.

I have a debate spar tomorrow, and I have not touched debate for 2 months plus plus. I had to refer to old cases to relearn how to reorganise information, sheesh, shoot me.

spar spar spar.

argh
ok, back to work, no more panicking.

@ 9:02 PM

I have a case to rush for tomorrow's spar, but being the typically silly me, I have decided to blog about BTCs while everything is still fresh in my mind.

mhm..I want to linger here
mhm..a little longer here
mhm..a little longer here with you

well, that's linger.

and billy banja and little green frog and jamican farewell and thousand legged worm and friendship dance and making loud noises in the hall and huring at people at the opposite of the hall cause you cant hear them. well, that's campfire night without the campfire for you (:

friendship dance was terribly funny, especially when there is someone in the middle and you go, punching and tickling. haha, echo should know what I am talking about. and ugly rabbits and adorable frog puppets combined together, to form mr half orange and mr half green.

when I think back when I am about fifty years old, I will really remember the sights and sounds. the instructors and the campers, their sweaty smell when we are all squeezed up in a room, piling up on each other for one minute because we have to, and spotting people making their way across homemade bridges. yes indeed, the sights and smells.

too many words, too many thoughts, too hard to express in words.

but echo? I think today, when we were being unknowingly illegal by using the student lounge, is one of our highest moments yet. and combining with Alpha in the container classroom, albeit unknowingly illegal, was fun too! and given a choice, I'll do this entire thing all over again, this time, without the doubts and more of the brains to hide when there are instructors in sight. not that the black shoes will let us, haha.

echo, we've really grown. all the aching muscles are worth it, every laughter, smile, shared looks, whispers, arguments, disagreements, funny instructors you just cant help but laugh at (I hope no instructors see this), yes, it was worth it. worth aching all over and a swollen nose bridge, haha (:

and now, enough digression from my task.

Monday, October 20, 2008 @ 10:05 PM

please prepare for a very very COALs, BTC filled post again.

did games for coals, even though it was abit lag considering that all the other groups have alrdy gone through and I have heard "true horror stories" about muddy commando crawls. well, I have my very own today, and weirdly enough, I feel very bonded with echo after the whole thing, admist rashes, scratches, abrasions, really really really really muddy front and people kicking soil in my face.

but before I go on

sorry echo. I know I am quite bad at whatever we have been doing so far, being one of the slowest to come in for the commando crawl thing, not excelling at coming up with solutions to whatever situation we are put in. I am really really sorry.

and to my spotters during the lifting practise, I am absolutely apologetic. it is not that I do not trust you guys, that I promise you. I have absolute faith in every single one of you, that none of you would let me fall on purpose or disregard that my life is in your hands. I am super duper sorry for not being able to accomplish that, ):

but echo, I am going to promise every single one of you that I will put in my very very very best, and be a better teamate, especially for COALs camp. I promise to put in every living fibre in my body, and much as I do not excel at it, I promise that I will give whatever I usually give to debate to this. and that is saying quite alot.

anyway, I was so happy that when the instructors took me away from the line during Darkville game, you guys actually found out that I was missing. I was inside, on the otherside of the shutter, and I heard every single word. thanks for coming back for me, you have no idea how much I wanted to hug every single one of you.

oh, and on the way home today, I realised that I can blog without restraint? cause, I'm not famous that everyone reads my blog (:

Sunday, October 19, 2008 @ 8:39 PM

to oniontho, my dear dear friend.

remember how we met? I didnt used to like you, mentally putting you into the catergory of silly in my mind. but now, I dont think we can not miss you if you arent around. I know you are facing pressure coming from your mom's side, and the fact that your sister seems to be quite a smart person at acedemics, but you do know that you are special in your own way right? you are a lovely friend to have, the kind where you can play with like mad, yet turn around and talk about deep personal stuff the next, and never feel uncomfortable? and you do know, that you are smart, just that you are lazy and often distracted? put your mind to work, and you can do it. I know it, the clique knows it, and you know it too. ignore your mom and her cutting comments, cause you know that we all love you. cheerup ok oniontho. else I will throw kukukid into the big big bin on monday (:

anticlimatic, but
I shall go and do case now.

Saturday, October 18, 2008 @ 11:34 AM

mhm mhm mhm. coals coals coals. echo echo echo echo echo.

such a coals filled life now. didnt really realise that I missed doing dumb stupid things in class with my friends till I mistook the time for my lesson and was just too reluctant to make my way back to our meeting area. well, it's definitely more productive than sitting there watching people play unknown card games.

streaming form's back. how, terrible. I dont think I am going to make it to the stream I want, damn humanities. and due to people constantly brainwashing me, I am wavering between my pure bio pure chem and pure physics pure chem. sheesh. I dislike being unsure, gahh

oh, my finger hurts, cause I was too busy arguing with my mom over teenage laws and failed to notice that my hand shifted while holding the hot water flask. first aid came in handy. now you know why you should pay attention during first aid lessons.

off to do my prop case before her highness comes after my head. (:

Thursday, October 16, 2008 @ 11:55 PM

time check: 12 midnight.

I am totally exhausted now, and there're coals tomorrow. but before I go to bed, I need to get something off my mind.

you.

whatever you do, there are limits, boundaries, rules that you should abide by. why people want to give up halfway or leave things hanging is beyond my comprehension. heed me when I saw that there is always a limit, and you know it. of all people, please do not tell me that my lines are unclear. dont. someone told me that the best way to survive is to just take care of yourself. and after getting hurt so many time, you know what, I am quite willing to try that out? I am not angry, I am just disappointed. shouldnt, and will never let too much of myself go. you hurt me, you hurt me bad this time.

many a time ago, you asked me if I would stay and wait, or to chase after a storm. I would chase the storm, cause I still want to be an idealist. but now, I am not sure anymore. that's what you, and countless others did. trampled and made me cringe in a corner.

many people think I am arrogant and ignorant. if only they knew,

I am still waiting for the sun to shine again.

@ 1:32 PM

break from reading chunks of information.

thought of the morning: how is limited freedom of speech still called freedom?

which brings me back to alt tab to digesting information, and thinking about how this motion should be run, hmm. shall save my doubts for the meeting at 8.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 @ 11:06 PM

this week's not been very good, though please dont jump into conclusions and say it is because of COALs. nopes, on the contary, as to what I had expected, I am enjoying COALs? I really am, though I am not a mother nature great outdoor person, I dont seem to be lagging behind too much..yet.

senior: thanks for simply listening and telling me the truth when I asked for it, knowing how hard it is for the diplomat you are. I know you're taking Os and should be left undisturbed, but really, thank you for talking to me when I needed. I have probably listed your name at least a dozen times here, but well,
good luck, estee, for those big terrible Os. (:

friend: well, friend. to you, big hugs for all those times you called just to ask if I were feeling a little happier, perkier that day during this week. you have no idea how much I look forward to those short calls. and how they really make me laugh when you decide that you ought to crack some cold joke. love ya, old friend. (:

well then, I am tired, and I still want to get things done before I get to bed. motion's out, and time's ticking, one week to spar. I am so waiting for it. (:

Tuesday, October 14, 2008 @ 9:54 PM

First BTC today, oddly interesting, very amusing. (:

I suspect when I am old and weary and want to remisicse about my cedar days, an image of echo running as a group to the place outside 2C classroom and hecking image by changing into our trackpants, packing food and being totally mad with panic, I will laugh. very very loudly.

enjoyed myself, and I realised my group mates are very nice and funny people that never fails to make me smack myself for never taking the effort to know them, though I have seen them along the corridors from one point to another. I see a little of everyone in everyone else, yet there is just something unique about each and every one of us, that little bit making us who we really are.

shall post in greater details after the whole thing, in case my current sentiments change anywhere along with time.

on the other hand, I am missing debate, really really badly, and I guess it is another two weeks before I can really touch debate. sheesh.

someone throw something at me along the lines of not being able to have the rooster in the back yard and on your plate?

Sunday, October 12, 2008 @ 5:31 PM

throughly tired out from the mixture of cough syrup and wrong choices made.

what's done's done, we'll see how it goes tomorrow at the meeting, I guess.

Saturday, October 11, 2008 @ 4:14 PM

many things happened this week.

results released. didnt do well, but I didnt do really really badly either. sorta disappointed, seems to me that hard work doesnt pay off? well, anyway, I am going to turn mugger whichever stream I get into, cause well, Os look really really close from this side of the year then it used to? and I dont really want to go through this entire routine of frantic mugging in my last year. but I really still hope that I can get into the stream I want.

open house prep for souvenirs werent that bad, actually things went much better than was preexpected. well, it was a team effort on EL's part, so good job people.

first COALs meeting yesterday, cant say I was surprised at the way things went. dont really know those in my group that well, but I suppose that will change in time. familiar faces are always nice, but unfamiliar ones helps widen your social circle, no? I am looking forward to COALs, even if the leaders seem intimidating. well, I am not going to be scared of them. sure I will respect them, the same way I try to with all my seniors, but honestly? I dont want to fear them. that's just wrong.

one thing I am going to hold on to throughout this entire business, however fierce the leaders seem to be, they are someone's friend, they laugh, they cry, they mug for exams, they would have used to panic at their own leaders when they were having their own COALs camp.

open house was largely fine, though things that were kept in for too long burst today, and it caused a snowball effect. I should have handled things better, handled my emotions better. I knew of the consequences, I know what we were dealing with, I am such a fool. such an idiot.

but we're one cca, and I hope that at the end of this year, next year, we are still one cca.

Monday, October 6, 2008 @ 6:20 PM

had a rather laughter filled day. shall blog about it when I am in a less resentful and foul mood.

@ 12:20 AM

just a few quick sentences before I hop off to bed, I am exhausted. whew.

you make me feel so worried, and I dont see how that's a good thing. you gave me a shock when I saw your sms, two lines, but possibly a thousand scenarios ran through my head, none of them good. imagine my relief when I found out that it wasnt anything bad. jiayou buddy, never knew you to shy from obstacles, I know you can do it.

fought with doing the open house souvenirs throughout most of the night, though I went to the library in the afternoon and checked out some books. it feels good to step into the bugis national library and read books that simple arouse your interest, not on some deadline to get some really important information that will make or break your case. not that I am complaining, I am actually missing that kinda thrill.

speaking of which, wed will be really weird, cause even though I know that the sec4s are off on their study break, it'll be weird when I see the front patch of the courtyard empty of the sec4s, know that the next time I see green badges with white wordings it is not my seniors but my juniors. weird. really really weird. and next year seems to be just around the corner, and time just seems to fly by. I see the sec4s finding contentment and all with their lives in cedar, and I really just want an answer to, will I be the same as them?

open house souvenirs, here I come.

Sunday, October 5, 2008 @ 6:59 PM

peace is sitting on a rock in the dying twilight, watching as the grandeur of sunlight fades away, no other sound other than the birds returning and the insects chirping.

peace is watching darkness descend and for once not think about danger and caution.

peace, so sought after, yet so easily available.

Friday, October 3, 2008 @ 11:07 PM

exams are officially gone gone gone gone gone gone. yes. gone.
so,

this is official. no more nerding. no more, absolutely none. no touching of any textbooks, assessments, guidebooks, mock papers, whatever hell you have. (:

I never thought I would say this, but it feels weird not mentally revising stuff on the way home or feeling guilty while having fun and thinking about mugging and productivitiy. it is ok, now's the nerd talking, I am sure the normal geraldine will come back soon.

right right right. so, clique outing, long awaited, much anticipated. damn funny, the whole clique (since they are all sitting nearby) were grinning at the clock when Madam Er said 5mins. grinning. Yulao must have been so amused at our wide grinning faces. HAHA.

rushed off for somethings that I had to deal with then we left school. went to disturb Miss Cheang on the way out. argued for a full 10mins at the busstop as to where to go. seriously. ended up at swensens (long planned) at plaza sing.

speaking of which, going crazy and pampering yourselves after exams are perfectly fine. seriously. you ought to go crazy, else something is absolutely wrong with you. but please, do not do bimbotic stupid things in your school uniform. especially not where your seniors may see you, not where other schools may see you. seriously. sticking your head in your hands does not prevent us from seeing your face. and it is not amusing at all, did you notice that none of your 12 seniors in school uniform crack a smile?

malued leena, (ended up feeling more malu seriously) with the birthday cake. enrica, we should have bought the disney princess one and malu her more. deep damn funny, "leena you cant light your own cake", "leena you cant cut your own cake" HAHA. then 3 seconds later "damn leena! present your cake!" the bill paying was amusing, we gave them $10 in coins. sheesh!

went east coast after that to cycle, work off carbs gathered during exam period! funny, did all sorts of stupid thing, including looking like a dog. oh, never felt so tired, riding double bikes gurantees that you cant fly as fast and you get tired super easily.

gosh, day of laughter! someone nice go plan BBQ please. (: cause once school starts ah, all the training and all the cca nonsense starts, impossible for us to go out as a clique already. nevermind, we can do this kinda nonsense again next year! gosh, I am tired, shall play poker with cassandra properly and stop multi tasking nonsensically!

Thursday, October 2, 2008 @ 6:46 PM

you always said I was too sensitive, you always said I thought too much, for my age. you said you were protecting me, cause of my age. but you dont understand, do you?
everything that I have thought about so far, they have all come through. I knew you wouldnt stay, I knew. people warned me.

my worries were not groundless, my poundering not futile.

no, I am not the one living in a bubblewrap, wraped in by my own fear and paranoias.
you are the one, still in your comfort zone. I stepped out of mine long before you realised.

I pulled the carpet this time, buddy. you lost. and I plan to keep you that way.
I put down the phone on you, friend. I had no wish to continue listening to your voice. I didnt let my heart triumph this time.

I am younger, I am a girl.
and these will be my shield, even as you try to break down the wall you say I have built.

buddy, you laid the foundations, I just completed it for you.

my tribute to you, to once upon a time.

thanks for teaching me, be it literally or otherwise.

@ 6:21 PM

gosh, if you are talking about unproductive, I will probably be the mascot. seriously.

ohwells. I have half a mind to abandon all my maths, not that I have been doing much, but still. as I was saying, abandon the maths books, curl up in bed and I dont know, re-read harry potter series with the aircon on full blast, or do some debate research, arrange my debate notebook so that in the future when I flip it I dont go, "I know I have done something like that before, where the hell isit"

speaking of debate, I think I am so rusty, the first time we have a on the floor thing, I will probably placcidly nod my head to whatever the other side's saying and sit through the entire thing without even thinking to write rebuttals or throw pois or whatevers. and whoever's sitting in the reserves will probably have a field day poking their fingers into their palms while I sit and wonder what that means till it's protected time and it strikes me that it means POI them you idiot.

shudders. I hope I am the one getting in righteous idgnation instead of the other way around.

gosh I miss debateee so much. and I am sorta looking forward to being hectic and busy for prep for open house. bonding time, esther can lead. me and shar will have all the other levels at our mercy, -evil grin- we'll go soft on our own level, or then again...maybe not. -grins-

ohgeraldineyouidiot, you are dreaming post exams without even having gotten through the last paper yet. let's hope my mood wont be spoilt by the surely dismayal paper. why oh why did they have to end with maths. maths maths maths maths maths. ):

then again, we'll have to start worrying about streams and results, and that doesnt seem to be too happy a prospect either. /:

one step at a time.

@ 1:46 PM

I swear -listens to liuliu says dont swear- that it is ridiculously how I am able to memorise history and goeg and science and essay formats backwards if I need to, and how I am unable to memories a coupla of one line formulas for maths. then again, maybe cause my heart isnt in it.

sheesh, I am in post exam mood! not good not good.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 1:04 AM

I officially annouce that I am in lala land already. really. really. really.

today's geog paper was fairly manageable, alot of mind blanks in the middle here and there, but I think I will do okay. (: went out for an almost the whole clique outing, I drag you you drag me then we drag her too kinda thing. 10 peole, seriously. then we follow batman/nerd/stupid/dumb jiejie who does headcount like, -waves hand vaguely- "orh, 10" still claims she is a tourguide, leenalee so shi bai!

and everybody has got something against me being glam. keep taking unglam photos of me, especially leenalee and bel bel low. and I think the daughter of the two also following the trend already. gahhhh! bad bad bad bad bad bad people! rawr!

ended up at hanis at bugis library, and combined five tables. damn funny! gosh, I love clique outings, friday friday after exam hour please please quick quick come come! words in two to show anticipation!

bought cake, presents for mom. came home celebrate with the mom then went out again to meet annoying creature. went airport walk wak. hahah, peek peek my phone ah, my boyfriend leh, cannot ah? HAHA.

sheesh, maths maths maths maths maths.
nevermind I console myself that today rest after all that hardcore mugging, tomorrow work hard again, then friday go mad again! gosh, I want friday swensens! sure damn fun one (:

protagonist

Geraldine
snow_ball1994@hotmail.com

~~coralite~~
cedarian
~~co-leader~~
~~exco, beloved~~
cedarELDDS;debator
sec3ELfamilyofai!
clique1H'07; 2H'08
Echo 2008 ; the ten of us, plus the four instructors <33

♥

The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them.